Tuesday, July 20, 2010

today at the home when we came in there were four women singing together in a room full of older people sleeping. they were singing words without music, "oh i want to go home now, but the water is too high, oh i want to go home now." their voices were old and out of tune and strange in the room following my mother to wake my dad who almost never looks up these days from the ground.

later my mom told me that the song was a song one of the women had written and begun singing to herself around the home for weeks. at church sermons in the home on sunday she would sing it instead of hymnals, though on the days outside of church she would steal the tune. in this way others began to pick the song up. now they sing it often in long loops.

later in his own room my father recognized the first thing i've seen him recognize without prodding in the last few times i've seen him, the brief prechorus of an old 60s soul song that goes "oh oh oh." he sang it as if he had been cued to join in, then went back to trying to put the cookie on the floor.

Monday, July 19, 2010

there must be 8 more replicants of 7 to complete the 7 sets of 7 sets of 7 comprising the fourth section of the text which has no beginning and no end

Friday, July 9, 2010

nobody really actually believes anybody else or often listens
many of the things i have loved best i have never even seen
tonight the light coming through the red curtains has it apple-shaded enough to want to bite through, i think of someone's skin, i think of my skin
any hour i don't talk to my mother i am growing very old
though often when i am actually around my mother my skin makes such loud noise i can hardly think
another house
i should probably bite the skin and eat it and digest it, it would birth a set of clothes
i would wear the clothes and go near people, it would stink loud
today at the glass door to the backyard the blue bird from yesterday appeared again he seemed to knock twice i was looking for food
two bananas and various forms of pretzel dipped into wettish substance i read your instructions for how to not want to eat, the worm of slight repetitions under long mind, something stretched in big sound of fire at an asp
in the bathroom i read john cage saying in so many words because there is no message there need not ever be response
the buttons on this machine could find a way to type a message to someone larger than this home i'm sure but i don't have the sight inside me any more this year or i am too smushed or stupid or there is the color of my bones
i don't think i need to be any body ever over numbers, there could exist a perfect mall, another one and i could buy a machine that stitched itself against this one here and sent itself into the center of the lock
the rhyming machine the color machine the ten boxes of brownie mix
my father's ring somewhere hidden in the house unless mom found it, i can't not remember which, i can't not remember if i actually can not remember or if i am willfully allowing disambiguation in the name of saying something more indirectly in the hope that something like a hole or god could find its way into the stupid typing these days do not even demand but more likely give me something i can bend, something worth laughing at in public and ignoring every night now that i have been remaindered now that everyone is grease
can't even remember the last time i saw an insect other than the one i crushed the other night under a soft book
i had not read the book and likely never will

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

the machine in my house won't stop beeping, someone is there
around 4 am i climbed onto the bathroom again and tried to hoist
black shit on my arms, found pieces of the swiffer under my pillow
sometimes there is this weird dark dust on the seat of the toilet
i think i talked to the two men in the guardroom for 15 minutes about god
but they were talking about ladders and i kept trying to close the door
"Here he moved, to and fro, from the door to the window, from the window
to the door; from the window to the door, from the door to the window;
from the fire to the bed, from the bed to the fire; from the bed to the fire,
from the fire to the bed; from the door to the fire, from the fire to the door..."
i need to begin again at something, no food, no light, no speech, no persons outside
get a little longer in your mind's bitch before i come back and there's a darker knob
make a sandwich have a baby bring me the plastic doll i asked for age three to have something to beat the shit from and did not get until it was too late