Sunday, October 5, 2008

Answers to your Google Q's (3) LITTLE WHITE PELLETS

(from Winston-Salem, North Carolina, 9/24/08 09:21:56 AM)

Q: what is wrong when there is little white pellets coming out of the vagina

A: Initiated to American Markets in fall of 1968 via hypodermic injection pronged on the back of miniature plastic horses inserted in a certain now-defunct brand of chocolate breakfast cereal, the bacterial weapon Noadsditzbleebdacht Unbeewboid Oftt Krissit, also known in various urban outlets as 'Krackerz,' 'Noder's Dysfunction,' and 'the Slip,' is a semi-common side-effect of hormonal discharge most often found in women aged 3 to 33. While mostly confined to female homeowners within a one-mile radius of Bojangles restaurants, the strain has also been located in anterior regions of upper Iowa and the undercity alleys of Scranton, and should be treated immediately on contact by telling absolutely no one one. A warm dishtowel slathered in baking grease and sandwich squeeze-outs should be rolled into a cone and inserted in the vaginal opening while standing in the sunlight of the largest room in the homeowner's home; if the vaginal opening has become too overloaded with pelletry, the anal cavity can be alternatively acquiesced, though the size of the towel should be upped to 'beach,' and should be fully lodged inside the body for proper effect. Because the state is highly conductive, the sufferer should immediately procure safe vessel in the form of outdated sportscar or Styrofoam cooler emblazoned with Dallas Cowboys logo, the lining properties of which have been said to increase vagina curing. All liquids should be avoided for 8 to 80 hours while giving the vagina a chance to 'chill out,' and further liquid consumption, AKA 'asking for it' may cause the vagina to become engorged, and in some cases has proved to produce resin and/or salt water taffy and/or fleshy material easily mistaken for ankle socks. If after 180 hours the pellets still appear, acquire a medium to large sized window dressing from local funeral home, deep fry, and mail to your mother. Other related side effects include anal branding, blood hiccups, accelerated Spam email incursion, hypnosis caused by auditory intake of the word 'beeper,' nasal swelling, and an increased desire to play jacks on a uptown-bound city bus.









Matt Kirkpatrick, of Barrelhouse/FC2, has initialized a new web lit journal: IMPROBABLE OBJECT, the first issue is me, Justin Taylor, and Davis Schneiderman, the site looks beautiful, I like it, I like Matt, congrats to him on being mentioned in Notable Nonrequired Stories of 2008. Thank you Matt.








Today I have eaten mostly only peanut m/m's, baklava, and a fucklot of coffee, my brain aches. Help me stop coffee.. Concentrating is hard. I promise myself I am going to concentrate a lot this week and focus and not drink beer, I don't know why I need to do that, yes I do, I have been feeling a lot lately like 'I want to do something but I don't know what I want to do but it's not read or write,' then after I spend forever working myself up into it I feel happy and enjoy, RICKY'S ANUS is like 23k words now, today I wrote about Ricky's thumbnail or something, I want to publish RICKY'S ANUS sentence by sentence, no stories or excerpts, just sentences, maybe I will send out some sentences, they are mostly long runons. Right now I feel too full, I am always hungry until I eat to the point of too full now, tonight I will watch the finale of I LOVE MONEY, I like watching I LOVE MONEY, after it is over we are canceling our cable, I feel good about it, maybe I'll rejoin Netflix, though usually I feel like there's nothing left I want to see







I am trying to be quiet more often

13 comments:

sam pink said...

just to clarify, you claimed that,

"the anal cavity can be alternatively acquiesced..."

but you forgot to include that the admixture of vaginal pellets mashed up into a paste that is then emulsified with chive flavored mashed potato mix and then smeared along the cavity like a child with a bubble bath beard is the only poultice for the anal cavity.

i feel that allowing this inaccuracy to proceed unhalted would result in the regression of vaginal pellet science, and subsequently the random disengagement of various buttholes across the nation.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

sam, let's write a vagina handbook together.

oh, and suck my dik.

ryan call said...

i puked into my mouth


i am drunk, i think

BLAKE BUTLER said...

that means you are more honest in gchat, we should talk about something important

ryan call said...

lets talk about for godot

Molly Gaudry said...

Congrats (IO).

Adam R. said...

Whoa, sandwich squeeze-outs. I knew these were good for something.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

mmmmmm sanweech

BlogSloth said...

white pellets are always good.

peter b. said...

I like trying to be more quiet. I am currently trying to be a slow talker.

Kofi said...

My dad tried to read No Colony and gave it back to me.

We have the same name and he thought it was his mail.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

kofi, whoops, yeah, i think there is mention of cutting a cock off in like the first 2 pages, parents arent into that i dont think, unless they are righteous

KEN BAUMANN said...

my mom really likes no colony all of it

rad