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Shane Jones and I had a conversation about small press publishing, internet writing, cats n shit that is now up at Powell's. Thanks to Shane and Kevin Sampsell. Words.




Thanks to people who have bought EVER and are buying it. The next three people who fwd me a receipt for it from a time after this posting, I will send supplementary books for free, things you would actually probably want. Added value of maybe $25 or therein.




My CD player finally crapped out in my car. Discs get stuck in and won't go in or out. Need to buy one, but have been subjecting myself to radio for a week or so now. A braineater, of course, mostly except today I heard a song off the new Bill Callahan record that totally made sense, and made me feel okay about the whole no CD experience. I could really use a new musical presence to become obsessed with. It's been a long while. Shit gets old so fast it seems.

I never really 'got' Bill Callahan or Smog until that song. Now hungry for listening to the records in full. Meaning I have to buy a CD player soon. While I'm at it, I think I'm going to hook up my 2x10 subwoofers in the trunk n whatnot. Real shit.





HTMLGiant now has a 'book trade forum,' where I and others have/will list their wants/haves and trades can occur. Please peruse/use: LINK




Finished what is very close to a 'submittable' draft for a new self-contained story yesterday, the first in probably 4-5 months. It turned out being a little longer than I'd intended, 4k words or so, but I'm really happy with it. It felt good to write something smaller like that again. I hadn't been able to in a while. Though of course I have no idea what to do with it now besides see the name of it on my desktop sometimes.

Revising is funny, used to be that things would always get shorter in revision, though now my texts seem to fatten, finding crevices in the sentences to keep expanding, graphs to insert between graphs. I like the 'do the sentence right the first time' method, and have gotten what I think is pretty good at it, but the revisions are nice for fine tweaking and find those holes.

Sure.




Think I am going to keep writing Lynch essays. One coming soon for a sexy website about Lynch's female bodies.

Speaking of Lynch: Interview Project

Things feel fun maybe.

Gold boas

Sam Pink's initial reaction to the first parts of Scorch Atlas:

little-kid+lsd+prurient album BLACK VASE on full blast+repeated punches to the face+an old man laughing and taking steroids and coloring his penis black with a magic marker= gottdang kid

I couldn't ask for much more than that.



Last night I read Lish's MY ROMANCE, I have had it for a long time and never read it, I got it used on amazon and found when I opened it that it had been signed and dated by Lish, under his signature it says either 'Hungry mind' or 'Hungry mud' or something therein. I don't know which. I can't tell who it is inscribed to though it is inscribed and they sold it for like $1.

The book made me itch. There are short descriptions of the narrator (who is Lish, giving a lecture to a group of writers 'off the cuff') having acute psoriasis. The manner of the description made me literally have to take a shower after. Blue sores, and mineral oil applied so thick that it goes through his clothes, which are always the same clothes. One of the strangest manners of delivery of words and ideas in a book, even for the Captain. Really in its own way kind of terrifying and throbby. It is making me itch right now to describe and remember, I am going to stop.




I have been sleeping much more soundly lately. I have been having long dreams of strangely personal and direct scenes that feel real when I am in them, which never used to happen to me. For years my dream were totally surreal and insane and made of impossible images. Now the thing I find most often I am doing in my sleep is editing words on a paper. I will be in my sleep working on a sentence by inserting all these other words, and building it out from this tiny thing in long weird graphs that I then repeat inside my head and build, and find building, until I eventually realize I am sleeping. The aggravated and horrendous scenes that usually dominate now more occur in very brief and intense bursts, that kind of punctuate the long, more calm ones. I am told I talk a lot in my sleep. I think I am going to find a way to begin recording myself, or to transcribe the sentences I am working on when I realize I am sleeping, as I often find I am able to continue looking at the sentences while I am still asleep even after I realize I am asleep. I can never remember the sentences directly when I wake up anymore, though I am always left remembering how I said something I had been meaning to say in such a way. I need to figure this out.




I wonder if I know anyone who has read 'The Changing Light at Sandover' by James Merrill. The construction has a very intriguing premise that most people who read poetry know about, with the channeling and Ouija boards. I started reading the full ms at Borders last night and found myself wanting the time to read the whole thing, but wonder if it would be as up my alley as it seems it could be. I never heard people talk about it except for people whose tastes I don't necessarily agree with.




The thing I am working on now is slightly making me feel scared, in a different way than I have ever felt scared while writing. I think I have been spending as much time during the writing staring as I have been writing, though I don't remember thinking about what I want to write while I am staring. I do feel better about things that I had been feeling insane about at the end of last year. It has helped to step away if slightly from the social partition of the internet, in the manner of control.






Writing to music has been helping a lot again too for some reason. Headphones are a gift. I have been rediscovering a lot of older music I used to listen to, and finding it very different through the headphones, which is probably something I should have realized a long time ago.

I need to try writing to the above-mentioned 'Black Vase' record by Prurient. That shit literally hurts, in a kind of amazing way.




I honestly realized yesterday in the car while listening to Three Six Mafia's 'Da Unbreakables' how much Three Six Mafia's 'Da Unbreakables' influenced my writing last year in rhythm and perhaps a little bit in posture and supposed 'tone.' At least that is what I would like to think, but I am certain it is also true.



I have a 'big' birthday coming this month. I am trying to figure out what to do. Part of me wants to do something exciting and unusual, though I can't think of what. Part of me wants to go for a drive by myself somewhere, though I probably won't do it. 'Birthdays'.

Massengil throat singing

* Jason Moore interviewed me for Bust Down the Door & Eat All the Chickens, about all kinds of shit including dreams, William Gass, editing, Oprah, lists




* Jimmy Chen reviewed my chapbook IN THE RAPE YEAR OF THE GHETTO TODDLER THE HOUSES WILL AWAKEN in a wonderful way, and also reviewed Nick and Brandi's chapbooks concurrently released. Thank you Jimmy.





* Pistachio pudding is fucking amazing, I had no idea





* U.S. Maple's TALKER or ACRE THRILLS is all I can listen to, antimusic, I had no idea Michael Gira produced TALKER until just now, I asked Michael Gira to blurb EVER and he said nicely that he had absolutely no time, at least he took the time to respond, if he was a language poet he probably would not have, I feel aggressive with no release valve, if anyone can get me a physical copy of his THE CONSUMER I would like to buy it but not for $50 like it always is on amazon used





* Yannick Murphy's STORIES IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE has me interested in writing short shit again: this is a magical book.



God Knopf made beautiful books, I wish there was Knopf in Lish ways now still, maybe some are close





* Last night in my dream I got attacked by several children, they forced my pants off and were biting me, a helicopter arrived outside the small room which had one large observation window, I was arrested, I was given a chance for freedom by escaping through a large labyrinth, there was a thin bald man in a red latex suit with a handlebar mustache looking for me, if I beat him to a checkpoint I would go free, I succeeded in throwing off my chaser by hiding in a large netted tub of styrofoam confetti while a group of honkies shit-talked me through a walkie-talkie, when arriving at the checkpoint I was told I'd come too late, I was ascended through a glass tunnel out of the ground into a point high above desert earth, my whole dad's side of the family was there, including my cousin whose children were the ones who'd raped me, the whole family's faces were flat, the men's hairs were combed weird, you could see along around them forever, there were a few oil derricks and growth patches but mostly just sand around the glass tower, they watched me get executed, I can't remember the method of execution, I woke up as I was killed





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I am going to put my parents in alphabetical order soon they won't know what hit them

Since several people asked about musics, I made a MUXTAPE of some musics, I like the layout and design of muxtape, it makes me want to like music more again. There can be music, this muxtape is a painting of my inner penis, I mention shit and dicks a lot on here, why do I do that. There are babies who listen to music. The Believer music issue is out, my head is on the cover a little, no it isn't, it does say something, Ross Simonini did a good job with their music mix tape that comes with the issue, that is a good idea, Ross Simonini is an excellent musician, I 'believe' him, I saw his band in Atlanta last year, I think it was last year, they were good enough to make one of my friends almost cry, I am going to put one of Tao's BRITNEY SPEARS stickers on Deerhunter/Atlas Sound's tour van, maybe where they won't see it, it will just be there, it has rained every single day since my loft has been opened again, I can't move my bed. That's okay for another minute. I want to eat chocolate rice? Someone should make a website like muxtape for literature somehow, I don't know what would happen, I don't know how that would work, I got tired of doing New Heavy, I am going to make it into something else, I want more interaction with the internet, everything is slow I feel slow. What can I do to make this less slow, what can we do, let's start a press, I have two books in mind that would be great to start a press with, it wouldn't cost that much if we did it together, can we do it together, can we dance like this:



I laid on a $4000 sofa yesterday, I felt like my life could be vastly improved if I could afford and buy the sofa, I would lay on it and feel excited.

I was going to make a list of objects that make me happy by the way the look being pleasing as what as inside, I can't think about it right now, all my shit is still in boxes, one that comes to mind immediately when I think 'aesthetically pleasing' is Miranda Mellis's THE REVISIONIST, I could hold that book and lick it and maybe cry on it but I don't want to get it wet.

I moved the new frame to my bed from the store to my loft yesterday and it started raining the second I left the store, very hard, the frame is wooden and new, it poured torrentially on the boxes all the way until I got to my loft 15 minutes later and dragged them inside in the pouring, they were soaked, as soon as I got inside it stopped raining, almost immediately once I was inside, god is watching, I bet god somedays sets the ends of his beard hairs on fire so he can smell how it smells.

Let's make something happen.

'Real talk.'

The woman went up and down some in the bigger side sack with her gross one

I have been inspired I think a little lately by the lack of recent click in things. I feel like I am waiting with some massive concrete clod above my head and it descends a little each morning when I wake up and things are going to start again. I don't know how the hours are gone. Six months of dogs fucking in a pile of insulation.

All day I don't know what I'm waiting for.

Last night saw Tom Waits at the Fox, he played for almost 3 hours, a wide variety of stuff from all eras of his stuff, some from Rain Dogs, some from Alice, some from most everything, it felt as if in the presence of something. I felt excited and laughed some and got burny in the back of my throat some like I wanted to cry but didn't. He did '9th and Hennepin' essentially performing spoken word to a sold out crowd and people going apeshit for it. That was impressive. I sat there thinking, books would never draw this audience, what would they do, just stand there, who could bring in this many people, not even the most famous of famous. Tom Waits makes me think there are still things left good about music. Mostly music turns me off now, funny all the years I spent obsessed, I wonder what else will turn off.

A friend and I talked the other day, 'There will never be another major artistic innovator in music, it is impossible.' There were probably other times where this was said but I honestly think now the thing is beyond dead. Innovation is not possible, and the bands that are hailed as innovators are more in the lines than ever now. It is sad a little but mostly I don't care.

Read Noy Holland's THE SPECTACLE OF THE BODY this weekend. That was some kind of experience. I had read and heard of how when she would read the 80ish page story ORBIT from this collection that whole audiences would stay and listen to every word to the end, and that it could 'change your life,' etc. Seeing your life change in act is I don't know, but I did feel very blipped in a certain way over ORBIT in particular. In that I felt more connected to it by voice and rhythm than most anything I've recently read. It sometimes felt as if I were reading the thing I've been mimicking without having seen it: certain rhythms, phrases, ideas particularly in some of the stories from my Scorch Atlas seemed as if I had studied ORBIT and tried to invest in it. This made me feel right, like I'd been somewhere or like I'd been okay. Like there was someone else. I don't know. ORBIT is pretty much pitch perfect and opening in all kinds of modes. If I were going to teach an advanced fiction class, this would be my primary example of voice, voice as story, voice as how to move the image.

There is something many of the Lish students seem to do that always strikes me, the small repetition of little phrases, such as here:

We hear her pleading with the Pope at night, blind-gigging geese at night.

The repetition of the 'at night,' I don't know, most editors would comment on this, yet in voice-building it seems to add and rhythmically it defines things, like there are little sets of colored stones around the words, I don't know, I often like it when it happens, but in lesser hands it can seem so petty, it is strange how these little repeating phrases, that seem to pop up all the time in Lish students' work, it is funny how they tend to add another layer.

Lish in his own fiction would do this to the point of bizarre often, I can remember whole pages where he was basically saying the same thing over and over with little variations, and it works somehow. Causes pattern and disturbance? Incantation?

Here's another example, particularly where the repetition goes and then breaks and where it breaks it hits even harder than if you'd said it straight:

It got to be she quit begging me for it, quit begging or sleeping or eating at all, or wanting at all like she used to want to have something cleaned or moved in the room like she used to want, or to be touched.

Holland also works in those kind of references I'd talked about before, saying place names like Macy's and specific brands that tend to hull more energy and develop a kind of colloquialism from them, a little budge. I am convinced of something by it, I have a little mannequin in my sideburns.

Anyhow, yes, ORBIT, it is a story that if you are interested in voice-driven fiction, should be read, and the rest of the collection is quite magical as well. I have a feeling I will come back to THE SPECTACLE OF THE BODY again and again in later years, however I turn out.

I'm not talking very well today, I don't want to anyway, I am gagged a little.

It is raining.

I feel weird these days at night, like there is something, or there is nothing.

Fennesz

A YEAR IN A MINUTE by Fennesz might be my favorite song of all time.

CD Mix Nov-Dec 07

Because I am rather bored, having already eaten the Key Lime Pie yogurt that was in my refrigerator, having already run my 2.2 miles for the day, waiting to eat dinner and not knowing what else to do with myself, I will write about a mix cd I have been listening to for the past month on repeat while driving in traffic or at night or to go somewhere to stop being hungry.

The only way I can enjoy music anymore is to make a cd like this with songs that won't get old and listen to it until the songs are engraved on my brain and I don't need to hear them ever again, which takes about 2-3 months:

1. INTERPOL 'Pioneer to the Falls' - I really liked Interpol's first record. Their second record sucked a little more but was still listenable. Their new album pretty much mostly all sucks, except for some reason this first track that I sometimes listen to 10-15 times in a row before going to the next track.

2. ANIMAL COLLECTIVE 'Derek' - Animal Collective are rather overrated I think, but their new album STRAWBERRY JAM is really good. This song does the Beach Boys thing and then goes into a repetitive beat that I can not stop my hands from banging on the steering wheel while I drive. I like the title 'Derek' for a song. I don't know why.

3. DEAD PREZ 'I'm a African' - I enjoy saying the lyrics to this song aloud. It makes me feel correct and angry in a good way. The last line to this song is, "All you uncle Tom ass-kissin' niggas got to go." I said this line to my mom the other day when I visited their house and she poked me with a wooden spoon and refused to let me have a bite of her sandwich.

4. TALKING HEADS 'Animals (LIVE)' - This live version from the live record 'THE NAME OF THIS BAND IS THE TALKING HEADS' is very different from the studio version in subtle ways. I like that he says things about animals. 'YOU KNOW ANIMALS ARE HAIRY. THEY SAY THEY DON'T NEED MONEY.' David Byrne is one of the few musicians I still believe always knows what he is doing as is intelligent. His performance in their live dvd STOP MAKING SENSE is one of the most excellent performances in music. The studio version of this song makes me feel like I am several times larger than I am.

5. RADIOHEAD 'All I Need' - I stopped liking and started hating Radiohead when they put out KID A. I think Radiohead is partially responsible for the death of music as art, by their trying to be the opposite of that. This song is a return to the good they once were. It is already a song I find hard to listen to because of the texture of its goodness. Radiohead is still full of shit.

6. ECHO & THE BUNNYMEN 'The Yo-Yo Man' - This song is catchy without using any of the normal methods of pop song. It sounds incomplete but is also perfect. Right now I want some creamed corn.

7. AESOP ROCK 'Five Fingers' - This song has an excellent bassline. Bass often makes music good to me. This song makes me move abnormally. Aesop Rock has a tongue.

8. SUBTLE 'The Mercury Craze' - Another steering wheel basher. There is no group like this that has ever existed ever. This song says, 'WHAT IF YOUR BLOOD WEREN'T YOU?'

9. COCTEAU TWINS 'Fifty-Fifty Clown' - I hated Cocteau Twins until I got really drunk one night and rode in a friends car half-looned and it all made sense. This song could be on a soft rock radio station and it is very perfect. I often wish I knew what she was saying in these songs because it mostly sounds like gibberish but it's probably better that way. She reminds me of a dungeon master's girlfriend angrily writing Plath poetry at the lunch table in high school.

10. BLONDE REDHEAD 'Publisher' - Good. New album very good space pop with weird vocals and lots of layers. Music jargon.

11. BONNIE PRINCE BILLY 'Another Day Full of Dread' - Currently one of my favorite songs. The lyrics to this song are excellent. This song is my myspace song. People look at other people on myspace. People update their myspace. I have myspace even though I talked shit about it for more than a year before I finally signed up.

12. BUSDRIVER 'Mr. Mistake' - Another good pseudo-rap pop song that is very catchy and with very fast lyrics except for on the chorus which feels like yams.

13. TOM WAITS 'Jayne's Blue Wish' - One of Tom Waits's crushers, from the rarities triple album he released last year or the year before that. I also hated Tom Waits and talked shit about him for years before I finally understood him after hearing the song ALICE from the album ALICE. Tom Waits can do anything he wants and it usually works and is good. One time Tom Waits was on David Letterman and talked about horses 'cribbing,' which is when they chew on the wood of their stalls. He showed pictures of some 'cribbing' a horse had done where it formed a picture of a horse jumping out of a stall.



I just wasted a lot of time.

I sometimes wish I did not hate music now. I used to own more than 2500 cds. Now I rarely can enjoy anything for more than a little while because it gets boring or old or I stop liking it. Some songs are good. I don't know what I'm talking about. I am about to go eat Korean BBQ and I might hate it.

I feel the oncoming of something good.