Passionfruit Eyelid

So I've got to admit, I was at least in part wrong in my earlier logic when I mentioned having found my sister reading TWILIGHT and taking it and throwing it in the trash. As much as I think that kind of 'book' can be damaging to a brain, in my sister's case it has opened her up already from a person who hardly ever read to one who has so far this year (as she excitedly reported to me) read 27 books. Sure, a good number of those related to TWILIGHT, but already she's moved on from there. She's read Miranda July and J. Safran Foer and Monica Drake's Clowngirl (which I gave her for Christmas assuming she would never touch it), and she recently asked if I would lend her one of Tao's books, and some other things.

Shit, at this rate, by the end of the year she'll be up in some Thomas Bernhard and Christian Bok. No doubt, believe dat.

So is reading crap fiction good? I guess if it leads to further reading, which can often be the case. Though if it never goes anywhere else, then I'd say just keep watching the TV.

I wonder if William Gay ever lays in bed steaming about how TWILIGHT blew up and fucked his own TWILIGHT title right in the b-hole. Such a fantastic book, that, though.

Oh, new William Gay soon...




Trying to feel better today than yesterday though it's not really working.

Trying today to get back on track working on the 'less manic' novel that I started late last year and abandoned, as I started to get bored. Taking a break turned out to be the best thing I could have done, as now coming back to it several months later I have whole new perspective and set of ideas for it.

I am confining myself (as much as possible) in this project to keep within a certain level of the realms of reality, to not fall into my previous methods, and instead write a solid, but unique, narrative (with digressions) novel. It's a nice challenge for me, a step outside the box by stepping back closer to the box.

Sometimes shaking up your world can be achieved by becoming more normal, especially when you've already written several hundred thousand words about destroying babies.





I am involved as a teaching volunteer at Dzanc's Creative Writing Sessions. A most wonderful program in the works, check it out...





NCAA tournament starts tonight, and for the first time since high school my boy Rick Pitino is poised to stomp it to the ground. Let's have at it.





I think I am going to reread Beckett's trilogy now...

I will be cleaner and nicer and smarter and good for at least a little bit more often some days

Today is 'be nice + positive day,' thought of by me, though I am off to a late start, having started the day with stinkin' caused by me, so it's like a trade off.

Anyway,

Here is a dumb poem, it doesnt have a name, its not really a poem, i wrote it in like 30 seconds, while feeling empty on the phone:


Can I have a baby just so there's a baby to kiss sometimes?
I just went outside and watched my shadow fling its arms.
I fling my arms when I walk back from the mailbox with nothing.
Each morning I bet our mailman drinks whole milk:
this so he has the energy to keep on coming, though if it were me,
you would never get a thing. I would probably go to the bank
and sit outside and watch people coming in and out
with or w/o $$
and I would hand them everything I had.
I wouldn't get to stay a mailman very long, but then there would be days
to go home and lay on the sofa
and caress the black neon bag
that comes built into everyone
but that only mailmen know about.








Hey Blake, go fuck yourself.

Thanks, Blake.

Ok, there's also this:






And now here is a Gchat I had with Shane Jones yesterday that made me feel better about things n things. I realize posting gchats is a thing that happens, but it kind of helped me feel a change in momentum, I think, there should be more changes in momentum more, WE TALKED ABOUT ALL THE BIG ISSUES, it's really long, we both get boners, so here, don't look:





PEOPLE

12:46 PM Shane: Funny, your blog reminds me of Blake Butler's, except yours is calmer. - molly gaudry
me: haha
you do seem calmer
12:47 PM i wish i was calmer
Shane: no one wants to be calm
i'm one step away from being boring
me: haha
let's not go ovrboard
12:50 PM Shane: that picture on your last post shook me to the core
it's terrifying
me: oh god i know
what the fuck
12:51 PM Shane: could you imagine driving and seeing that
it remeinds me of kafka's in the penal colony
some kind of mass destruction
like who designs that
12:57 PM someone is in control of that thing
ugh
me: i bet a mexican
Shane: everythign is just so depressing lately
me: no english, 3.45 an hour
Shane: i got coffee this morning and a woman was yelling at the worker "i want an early gray tea!"
she just kept saying EARLY GRAY TEA
me: evertyhing
Shane: not earl gray
EARLY
right in my ear
12:58 PM me: that's when you open up your mouth
and put your mouth on their mouth
Shane: i couldn't do it
i was so close to saying something
but i'm a pussy
me: and show her her teeth with your teeth
i gotta be in a real bad mood to speak up
Shane: yeah
12:59 PM me: just not worth it usually
but its fun when you do
fuck people
1:00 PM Shane: fuck most people
me: there you go being calm
1:01 PM Shane: i am
what's happenign to me
i have no sass anymore
me: everything is hard




DEATH

Shane: did tao have a post about not carring about david foster wallace
then he took it down or something
1:02 PM me: yeah, well, not quite about not caring, but about having accepted death
i wrote a long comment to him
Shane: what did it say
1:03 PM me: about how it felt disingenuous
and then he took it down
i felt bad maybe hvaing caused him to take it down
1:07 PM i have to think
1:08 PM if any other author
one i didnt care about in that way
killed himself
like bret easton ellis
i would probably be like 'big deal'
1:09 PM Shane: i realize it's hitting you pretty hard, i still get upset when i think of richard brautigan killing himself
me: i just wonder if i would be sassy and rude about it with anyone else
1:10 PM probably i would just keep my mouth shut
but part of me can undersztand why people are saying things like that
they dont have a personal connection to it, why should they care, besides the humanist aspect of it
1:11 PM Shane: people should care, people should have somethign called compassion
especially amongst the community of writers
but i think people that read dfw, especially you, really had that close connection of reader and writer
1:12 PM but people are shitty, the just are
i don't know what i'm trying to say
1:14 PM me: no you are right
they should, or should at least keep bullshit to themselves
1:15 PM Shane: but i think, for me at least, it's also really scarry and a feeling of hopelessness...that someone like DFW with his mind and intellect and humor, etc, saw the world that dark and took his own life..i mean, it should feel like a wake up call to people
me: yes
that is really what it is
frightening
1:16 PM Shane: i woke up the other night at like 4am thinking about that
and i told melanie the next mornign that i just felt so lonely
just really isolated
1:17 PM me: yeah
i've been feeling that
its really hard to get over
like
to me, he accomplished the greatest feat in literature
and it was not enough
so what the fuck
are we doing
Shane: right
1:18 PM me: though he did have chemical problems
Shane: i ask myself that question all the time
what the hell am i doing
me: every single day i think



MOTIVATION

Shane: i'm putting together a chapbook of poems, well i was last night
and i just started laughing
like it was just so absurd to me
"chapbook"
17 poems
1:19 PM like why am i doing this
me: yeah
exactly
Shane: should we just write more books?
i don't know
1:21 PM me: i really dont know
keep going for what
Shane: i'm not sure
10 minutes
1:32 PM Shane: have you been writting
me: very slowly
1:35 PM Shane: i watched the charlie rose interview with DFW yesterday
you can stop me if you don't want to talk about this anymore
me: no its ok
1:36 PM Shane: but they were talkign about how dfw had a semester off coming up
me: i love that interview
Shane: and rose asked him what he was going to do
and his reply was so great
"well, if the past repeats itself, i'll probably write an hour a day and bite my knuckles thinking about writing for eight hours a day"
me: haha yes, i remember that
perfect
1:37 PM Shane: just awesome
and charlie rose was just starring at him
me: i want to watch those again, and videos of him reading, but it bothered me too much to see him talk
1:39 PM Shane: i understand that



CREATION

1:43 PM me: so you finished your edits
Shane: yeah
adam said they were great and he was impressed
1:44 PM me: that is good
1:45 PM Shane: yeah, i'm still excited about it
i started writing something else
me: a novel?
Shane: yeah
1:46 PM me: excellent
projects help
Shane: i think so
i mean, i'm not sure where this one is going
1:47 PM and i'm also worried it's going to suck, etc
me: those are fun concerns
i like that kind of mode
1:48 PM Shane: i'm kind of concerned with how the text looks on the page
i want to do somethign different from light boxes
but i'm not sure what to do with this one
1:50 PM me: what have you been doing with it
Shane: well, i only have a few thousand words
and the format is turning into the same as light boxes
which i don't want
something will hit and i'll get excited
1:51 PM i plan on going through my bookshelf tonight and looking at text
playing around, etc
i like the idea of isolated sentences, but then connecting them, twisting them, etc
i'm really not sure
1:52 PM me: isolating is really helpful i thin
k
Shane: i can't just write stacks of paragraphs
me: i forget who said this
maybe it was delillo or vollmann
but they said when they are writing they put each sentence on its own page
1:53 PM then collapse after each is perfect
i cant remember who it was
but that sounds nice
Shane: that sounds really comforting to me
1:54 PM maybe i'll do something like that
i have to play around for a while
1:55 PM me: yes
1:56 PM Shane: what novel was written in all columns
me: i know books that use a lot of columns, but not one that does it all the way, that i can think of
the people of paper has the best use of columns i've seen
1:57 PM Shane: yeah
1:58 PM well i have two characters
i was thinking of using columns
seems kind of lame though
me: sounds like a fun idea
cris mazza has a great story that makes columns work really well
i think that's where plascencia stole it
Shane: hmmmm
me: 'is it sexual harassment yet?'
2:00 PM Shane: i just pulled it up
the columns idea is interesting
2:01 PM or the idea of two characters and you get two blocks of text on each page from them, kind of playing off each other
me: right
2:05 PM i think i just want to make something really brutal
like take bleak to the nth degree, pull out all stops
2:06 PM Shane: fuck yeah
me: if i am going to be called bleak, i want to show what concept of bleak really is
because i've never felt bleak really
2:07 PM i think i can make blood meridian look calm
Shane: i like where you're going with this



SURREALISM

2:08 PM Shane: i think about the concept of "surrealism" a lot and writing a book that just explodes the notion of surrealism...like just an explosion of imagination
me: yeah
surrealism never got done right i think
not to its fullest
Shane: no, no way
2:09 PM i think i want to explore it more
me: i was really concerned with that when i did those two novels back to back
Shane: most of the stuff people tell me to read that is surreal really isn't
like i don't get it
like with that fucker andre breton
me: ugh
breton is nothing
zip
Shane: i know
2:10 PM me: its not even surreal in any way
Shane: i don't get it
the whole movement is interesting, but...
me: its just another -ism
more talk than rock
2:11 PM have you read any donald antrim
Shane: yeah, i have
2:12 PM me: i like how he uses surrealist stuff, its not a full on surreal, but it brushes against it nicely
the verificationist
Shane: i didn't read that one
2:13 PM me: you read elect mr robinson?
Shane: yeah
and i read his memoir book
me: that one is good, its not as good as the other 2 though i think
ugh, the memoir
Shane: yeah, the memoir
me: fuck that thing
Shane: fuck memoirs
me: 100 brothers and the verificationist, those are much better than the other 2
2:14 PM though i do like the chapter in his memoir about trying to find the right mattress
that was the only good part it hought
Shane: that was great
and how he sends it back
doesn't he spend like twelve grand on some kind of super mattress
me: haha yeah
2:15 PM Shane: i wanted to read 100 brothers but never did
2:16 PM me: its pretty wonderful
Shane: surreal?
me: there really are 100 brothers
they all hang out
its got a lot of surreal to it, yeah
2:17 PM the verificationist is moreso surreal in execution
but still, yeah, not quite what i've always thought of as what the thing could have been/ be
2:18 PM Shane: i'm reading the wiki page on surrealism
me: what does it say
Shane: Surrealist works feature the element of surprise, unexpected juxtapositions and non sequitur
2:19 PM me: "Jeepers!"
2:20 PM Shane: maybe the painters got surrealism down, but the writers didn't
2:21 PM dali did pretty nice shit with it
et al
2:23 PM thank you for the talking shane, it made me feel better in several ways somehow
Shane: i feel like i have some energy now

Day 1: Blubbbereser

I am going to see how fast I can write a novel. I had an idea while I was walking up a mountain this weekend. One sentence. I think the novel is stuck inside it. I am going to get it out. I am going to write nonstop on it until I am done. I started today at 12:30pm and now have 4500 words at 8:18. I stopped at one point to go running, which splintered the idea. Even though I am writing fast I think I am writing meticulously, so that editing won't take long. I am trying to get it right the first time but I am also figuring things out as I go.

Certain ideas about the writing were also stirred I think by reading one part of one story in STRANGER THINGS HAPPEN by Kelly Link and a certain section of FLET by Joyelle McSweeney and by certain shit stuck in my sleeping and from a certain room.

I think it also came a little from these videos by Martijn Hendriks called GIVE US TODAY OUR DAILY DREAD where he took the film THE BIRDS by Hitchcock and edited out the birds. It makes it even more fucked.



I hope to have a draft of a 30,000 word novel in 10-15 days.

I am going to try to blog about it while doing it as a form of motivation.

I am going to catalog the things I look at so I know what I was taking in.

I am going to minimize my eating and only drink coffee/water.

There are several books I admire that were written very quickly. Jesse Ball's SAMEDI THE DEAFNESS was supposedly written in three weeks. Daniel Brenner's THE STUPEFYING FLASHBULBS was supposedly written in less than that. I want to do something that fits in the energy of those books, even more so than things that I have written recently, most of which I've also finished very quickly, including most of SCORCH ATLAS. I want to go quicker, get even meaner.

What other books were written quickly?

Look at those video and comment or email me a sentence that they make you think and I might use it in the book, as there are sections of abstruse communication and I would like to not write them.

Tonight I am going to watch INLAND EMPIRE again if I stop writing long enough.

Part of the World

read Robert Lopez's 'Part of the World' last week in a couple hours straight. another book i just couldn't put down. the voice had me from the very first page. i love books where nothing much happens and it is just the way it is told to you that keeps you reading. they are rare, but robert has completed killed it in this one. everyone should go to the calamari press website and pick this up immediately.



yet another in the list of books i've read recently that i need to write reviews for. falling behind in that category. i've been finding it hard also to keep working on the novel i've been trucking on for the past 6 months or so. there's a whole subplot that needs a facelift and i can't quite bring myself to pick it up. so i'll wait for that motivation. in the meantime i've been having a blast working on a series of shorts set before/during/after some form of apocalypse event. i can foresee them eventually running together and becoming a larger text but right now i just like working on each alone and finding tiny threads that interweave.

i can't seem to bring myself to write stories longer than 2000 words. its either less than 2000 or greater than 60,000. i don't have much that fall in between. i think that comes from the fact that i have trouble reading short fiction of a longer length, because i like, once i really get into something, for it to keep going and wrap me up. usually when reading pieces that are 4000-7000 words i'm just getting amped up by the time it ends. of course there are a billion exceptions to that trend, but i'm just a lot more picky about it.

plus it seems just a lot easier to place shorter pieces in publications. if something takes up a lot of space, it better earn it. maybe i'm lazy. maybe i have ADD. i dunno.

reminded today of how great brian evenson's story 'The Intricacies of Post-Shooting Etiquette' is. i think that's the story i've been trying to write since i started.