Thursday, September 18, 2008

I will be cleaner and nicer and smarter and good for at least a little bit more often some days

Today is 'be nice + positive day,' thought of by me, though I am off to a late start, having started the day with stinkin' caused by me, so it's like a trade off.


Here is a dumb poem, it doesnt have a name, its not really a poem, i wrote it in like 30 seconds, while feeling empty on the phone:

Can I have a baby just so there's a baby to kiss sometimes?
I just went outside and watched my shadow fling its arms.
I fling my arms when I walk back from the mailbox with nothing.
Each morning I bet our mailman drinks whole milk:
this so he has the energy to keep on coming, though if it were me,
you would never get a thing. I would probably go to the bank
and sit outside and watch people coming in and out
with or w/o $$
and I would hand them everything I had.
I wouldn't get to stay a mailman very long, but then there would be days
to go home and lay on the sofa
and caress the black neon bag
that comes built into everyone
but that only mailmen know about.

Hey Blake, go fuck yourself.

Thanks, Blake.

Ok, there's also this:

And now here is a Gchat I had with Shane Jones yesterday that made me feel better about things n things. I realize posting gchats is a thing that happens, but it kind of helped me feel a change in momentum, I think, there should be more changes in momentum more, WE TALKED ABOUT ALL THE BIG ISSUES, it's really long, we both get boners, so here, don't look:


12:46 PM Shane: Funny, your blog reminds me of Blake Butler's, except yours is calmer. - molly gaudry
me: haha
you do seem calmer
12:47 PM i wish i was calmer
Shane: no one wants to be calm
i'm one step away from being boring
me: haha
let's not go ovrboard
12:50 PM Shane: that picture on your last post shook me to the core
it's terrifying
me: oh god i know
what the fuck
12:51 PM Shane: could you imagine driving and seeing that
it remeinds me of kafka's in the penal colony
some kind of mass destruction
like who designs that
12:57 PM someone is in control of that thing
me: i bet a mexican
Shane: everythign is just so depressing lately
me: no english, 3.45 an hour
Shane: i got coffee this morning and a woman was yelling at the worker "i want an early gray tea!"
she just kept saying EARLY GRAY TEA
me: evertyhing
Shane: not earl gray
right in my ear
12:58 PM me: that's when you open up your mouth
and put your mouth on their mouth
Shane: i couldn't do it
i was so close to saying something
but i'm a pussy
me: and show her her teeth with your teeth
i gotta be in a real bad mood to speak up
Shane: yeah
12:59 PM me: just not worth it usually
but its fun when you do
fuck people
1:00 PM Shane: fuck most people
me: there you go being calm
1:01 PM Shane: i am
what's happenign to me
i have no sass anymore
me: everything is hard


Shane: did tao have a post about not carring about david foster wallace
then he took it down or something
1:02 PM me: yeah, well, not quite about not caring, but about having accepted death
i wrote a long comment to him
Shane: what did it say
1:03 PM me: about how it felt disingenuous
and then he took it down
i felt bad maybe hvaing caused him to take it down
1:07 PM i have to think
1:08 PM if any other author
one i didnt care about in that way
killed himself
like bret easton ellis
i would probably be like 'big deal'
1:09 PM Shane: i realize it's hitting you pretty hard, i still get upset when i think of richard brautigan killing himself
me: i just wonder if i would be sassy and rude about it with anyone else
1:10 PM probably i would just keep my mouth shut
but part of me can undersztand why people are saying things like that
they dont have a personal connection to it, why should they care, besides the humanist aspect of it
1:11 PM Shane: people should care, people should have somethign called compassion
especially amongst the community of writers
but i think people that read dfw, especially you, really had that close connection of reader and writer
1:12 PM but people are shitty, the just are
i don't know what i'm trying to say
1:14 PM me: no you are right
they should, or should at least keep bullshit to themselves
1:15 PM Shane: but i think, for me at least, it's also really scarry and a feeling of hopelessness...that someone like DFW with his mind and intellect and humor, etc, saw the world that dark and took his own life..i mean, it should feel like a wake up call to people
me: yes
that is really what it is
1:16 PM Shane: i woke up the other night at like 4am thinking about that
and i told melanie the next mornign that i just felt so lonely
just really isolated
1:17 PM me: yeah
i've been feeling that
its really hard to get over
to me, he accomplished the greatest feat in literature
and it was not enough
so what the fuck
are we doing
Shane: right
1:18 PM me: though he did have chemical problems
Shane: i ask myself that question all the time
what the hell am i doing
me: every single day i think


Shane: i'm putting together a chapbook of poems, well i was last night
and i just started laughing
like it was just so absurd to me
17 poems
1:19 PM like why am i doing this
me: yeah
Shane: should we just write more books?
i don't know
1:21 PM me: i really dont know
keep going for what
Shane: i'm not sure
10 minutes
1:32 PM Shane: have you been writting
me: very slowly
1:35 PM Shane: i watched the charlie rose interview with DFW yesterday
you can stop me if you don't want to talk about this anymore
me: no its ok
1:36 PM Shane: but they were talkign about how dfw had a semester off coming up
me: i love that interview
Shane: and rose asked him what he was going to do
and his reply was so great
"well, if the past repeats itself, i'll probably write an hour a day and bite my knuckles thinking about writing for eight hours a day"
me: haha yes, i remember that
1:37 PM Shane: just awesome
and charlie rose was just starring at him
me: i want to watch those again, and videos of him reading, but it bothered me too much to see him talk
1:39 PM Shane: i understand that


1:43 PM me: so you finished your edits
Shane: yeah
adam said they were great and he was impressed
1:44 PM me: that is good
1:45 PM Shane: yeah, i'm still excited about it
i started writing something else
me: a novel?
Shane: yeah
1:46 PM me: excellent
projects help
Shane: i think so
i mean, i'm not sure where this one is going
1:47 PM and i'm also worried it's going to suck, etc
me: those are fun concerns
i like that kind of mode
1:48 PM Shane: i'm kind of concerned with how the text looks on the page
i want to do somethign different from light boxes
but i'm not sure what to do with this one
1:50 PM me: what have you been doing with it
Shane: well, i only have a few thousand words
and the format is turning into the same as light boxes
which i don't want
something will hit and i'll get excited
1:51 PM i plan on going through my bookshelf tonight and looking at text
playing around, etc
i like the idea of isolated sentences, but then connecting them, twisting them, etc
i'm really not sure
1:52 PM me: isolating is really helpful i thin
Shane: i can't just write stacks of paragraphs
me: i forget who said this
maybe it was delillo or vollmann
but they said when they are writing they put each sentence on its own page
1:53 PM then collapse after each is perfect
i cant remember who it was
but that sounds nice
Shane: that sounds really comforting to me
1:54 PM maybe i'll do something like that
i have to play around for a while
1:55 PM me: yes
1:56 PM Shane: what novel was written in all columns
me: i know books that use a lot of columns, but not one that does it all the way, that i can think of
the people of paper has the best use of columns i've seen
1:57 PM Shane: yeah
1:58 PM well i have two characters
i was thinking of using columns
seems kind of lame though
me: sounds like a fun idea
cris mazza has a great story that makes columns work really well
i think that's where plascencia stole it
Shane: hmmmm
me: 'is it sexual harassment yet?'
2:00 PM Shane: i just pulled it up
the columns idea is interesting
2:01 PM or the idea of two characters and you get two blocks of text on each page from them, kind of playing off each other
me: right
2:05 PM i think i just want to make something really brutal
like take bleak to the nth degree, pull out all stops
2:06 PM Shane: fuck yeah
me: if i am going to be called bleak, i want to show what concept of bleak really is
because i've never felt bleak really
2:07 PM i think i can make blood meridian look calm
Shane: i like where you're going with this


2:08 PM Shane: i think about the concept of "surrealism" a lot and writing a book that just explodes the notion of just an explosion of imagination
me: yeah
surrealism never got done right i think
not to its fullest
Shane: no, no way
2:09 PM i think i want to explore it more
me: i was really concerned with that when i did those two novels back to back
Shane: most of the stuff people tell me to read that is surreal really isn't
like i don't get it
like with that fucker andre breton
me: ugh
breton is nothing
Shane: i know
2:10 PM me: its not even surreal in any way
Shane: i don't get it
the whole movement is interesting, but...
me: its just another -ism
more talk than rock
2:11 PM have you read any donald antrim
Shane: yeah, i have
2:12 PM me: i like how he uses surrealist stuff, its not a full on surreal, but it brushes against it nicely
the verificationist
Shane: i didn't read that one
2:13 PM me: you read elect mr robinson?
Shane: yeah
and i read his memoir book
me: that one is good, its not as good as the other 2 though i think
ugh, the memoir
Shane: yeah, the memoir
me: fuck that thing
Shane: fuck memoirs
me: 100 brothers and the verificationist, those are much better than the other 2
2:14 PM though i do like the chapter in his memoir about trying to find the right mattress
that was the only good part it hought
Shane: that was great
and how he sends it back
doesn't he spend like twelve grand on some kind of super mattress
me: haha yeah
2:15 PM Shane: i wanted to read 100 brothers but never did
2:16 PM me: its pretty wonderful
Shane: surreal?
me: there really are 100 brothers
they all hang out
its got a lot of surreal to it, yeah
2:17 PM the verificationist is moreso surreal in execution
but still, yeah, not quite what i've always thought of as what the thing could have been/ be
2:18 PM Shane: i'm reading the wiki page on surrealism
me: what does it say
Shane: Surrealist works feature the element of surprise, unexpected juxtapositions and non sequitur
2:19 PM me: "Jeepers!"
2:20 PM Shane: maybe the painters got surrealism down, but the writers didn't
2:21 PM dali did pretty nice shit with it
et al
2:23 PM thank you for the talking shane, it made me feel better in several ways somehow
Shane: i feel like i have some energy now


xtx said...

i liked the dumb poem.
i did not read the gchat


dumb is dumb is ok mhm

no will read the gchat but me and maybe shane, its ok

Shane Jones said...

i liked the poem a lot, but i skipped the gchat.

jereme said...

i read the entire gchat

it only got hard when you two chickens started clucking about literary specifics because i am dumb and don't understand

dumb is dumb

blake, you sound like me except i would vocalize more negativity and despair and hopelessness

don't be like me shit head


"4 am is the loneliest time that exists" - gena mohwish

she is right, 4 am is a motherfucker


jereme really is one of my favorite people i've never met

i want to get shit head tattooed on my head

or just a picture of a turd

i kind of like 4 am a lot actually

Darby said...

Yesterday I had written a long post, that I didn't post, about surrealism, or absurdism, or abnormalism in fiction, based kind of on the question of whether the Evenson piece Discrepancy is an example of surrealism, which I don't think it is. I was being analytical and mean though so I didn't post it. I thought, also, enough of mean. But I agree with the gchat, I don't think true surrealism has really been tapped in fiction yet.


i agree darby, i think the evenson uses some surreal elements but ultimately does something beyond it, something i really like, it feels new.

i would like to read your post.

i think i want to be more mean

'be more mean' i'm thinking

DOGZPLOT said...

those earth first folks are goddam idiots. i bet they all give good head though.

Darby said...

I think 'uses some surreal elements' was an exact phrase I used. Like it's essentially realism that is propped up by a surreal element. Or it is realism that revolves around a surreal element. I think it's a great example of how realist fiction can benefit from surreal elements.

Something also about to make the story 'surreal' she would've had't've never questioned it. She would've assumed it was normal. I was kind of bothered by her constant questioning in Discrepancy, I kind of just wanted her to be comfortable with it, or to be oblivious to it. Surreal is when characters don't question the surreality. The surreal is their real. Because if it's questioned, it implies that a realism is expected, and therefore present. I kept wondering if it would've been more powerful if she'd've been unaware that anything was the matter, unaware that the AV discrepancy was getting bigger, and hence unaware that the happiness/unhappiness discrepancy was getting bigger also.

Regardless, it was really a genius ending, one of the strongest concepts I've read in a long time.

Alicia Pernell said...

blake and shane are twin babies sleeping in the same crib.


barry, oh you betcha


yeah the ending kills

Molly Gaudry said...

Calm does not mean one step away from boring!

Michael Goroff said...

I liked the gchat. It was like a devolved podcast. (Podcast is actually a word, according to this site's spellchecker.)


true molly
thank you michael

Didi Menendez said...

I think I will paint you this weekend because I have been staring into emptiness myself lately and painting you may be the best thing to do for both of us.

peter b. said...

dumb poems are pretty good

Didi Menendez said...

work in progress

peter b. said...

lets googlachat


didi, i like that, awesome

peter, add me, let's do itt

JR's Thumbprints said...

When I read your poem, Napoleon Dynamite penetrated my brain.