Sunday, March 15, 2009

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just now i tried to write a post talking shit about writing
then i deleted it and instead decided to go running
i had planned to take today off running and instead walked
to the grocery to buy drano
but then when it got to 11:00pm i felt gross for not
so i went running in the dark
i was running past the edge of this woods past the middle school
and in the dark there was the sound of all these dogs
from inside of the woods and they sounded on fire
or like they all were having skin removed from off their heads
this forest has no houses in it or farms i think
its just a big empty deep forest
and the dogs were screaming, maybe 10 or 15 of them all at once
it made me run faster for a minute toward a little bridge
then the screaming stopped
the woods was still there
i kept on running instead of going home
while i was running i was thinking about my friend who is a satanic priest
who used to tell me about metaphysics
and how small signs could help direct your life
like noticing splotches in a pathway that suggest you one way
over another
and how that could greatly determine the way your energy might move
like leaving a pile of coins in an empty room in your house
and some days coming in to change their shape or pattern slightly
i explored these ideas for a while until i stopped
my friend one time met lavey in an airport i think he told me
which is how i think he was ordained
my friend also ate half a bike, a bible, a tee shirt
he could lift weights with his dick
one day more recently i watched videos of lavey
playing his organs on youtube for several hours
lavey looks like a dork
the sound of ripping dogs was less subtle than other studied signals
which made it less powerful in my mind somehow
but i could not stop thinking in the dark how i should go back
i went a while further anyway until i turned around earlier than usual
on the way back i turned and went through the parking lot of the middle school
there were many buses parked there
because of how the drivers have nowhere else to park them
on the pavement they made parallel lines
in the windows
as i passed each
i kept thinking i could see people in the buses briefly
and as i began to see this
i saw more people in each bus
looking at me run
the sensation of seeing the people
made my heart race inside my running
though i knew i was creating the sensation
there was another bus parked
further off from all the other buses
in the very corner of the lot
like as far away from all the rest as it could manage
that one seemed stuffed seam to seam with people
i was running
it was the school i used to go to
i went around behind the building
where one time before the buses left i saw a kid hit another kid with brass knuckles
in the face and there was blood
across the street from the middle school there is a high school
that i went to
in the middle of the parking lot was a huge pile of dirt or shit or something other
which had not been there before when i drove past earlier that night i feel sure
a very high pile
taller than i am
it would be the largest pile of shit i've seen

13 comments:

Jamie Iredell said...

As I would say about Dockins, you're a goon.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

goonlife 4 life :)

Ken Baumann said...

hahahahaha:

'LaVey has stated that his religion was “just Ayn Rand’s philosophy, with ceremony and ritual added"'

BLAKE BUTLER said...

ha, that sounds about right. its also called selfishismismisms

Rauan Klassnik said...

this same exact thing happened to me when i was three years old. and i turned into a dog screaming. and Jamie Iredell gave me a bubble bath.

jereme said...

i wish you would blabber more.

i like the blabber on the blog.

i used to see muted people staring at me through windows. sometimes they were pointing at me and staring.

it used to happen a lot when i was young and walking alone a lot.

i have not seen them in a few years.

this blabber made me think of the muted window people.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

ron, that is hot

jereme, it is a scary sensation: i was beginning to find the more i let it enter my mind the more people there were. oosh

jereme said...

with me the people were kind of apparitions initially, but, like you, as the fear grew they become more solid. they always had a muted grey color and black empty eyes.

first i only say them out of the corner of my eyesight, but, as i progressed in age i could see them with a straight look.

then the pointing started and open mouths.

fuck i have never talked about that before.

i need to get off the internet and shut up. i sound crazy.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

we should investigate these people. they have something we need i think

Ken Baumann said...

they have what's in you hiding

BLAKE BUTLER said...

believe dat

DB said...

i like this post a lot. i especially like "the sound of ripping dogs was less subtle than other studied signals"

"ripping dogs" is great

BLAKE BUTLER said...

captain dan, let's meet in the middle of the country and rip the shit out of some dogs