The Hand Blender Shat & Looked Upon the Shat & It was 'the place to be'

* Holy shit look at the cover to New York Tyrant 5

* IN THE RAPE YEAR OF THE GHETTO TODDLER THE HOUSES WILL AWAKEN will be released next week. JA says it is almost sold out already, so if you are interested in peeking at toddler violence, you should order now $2. IT IS SOLD OUT NOW, BEFORE THE RELEASE DAY. THANK YOU BUYERS.



* Ryan Call interviewed me for NOÖ Loves Everyone




* Soon I will eat a dog, forget about babies, it is dog time.




* I randomly went through my stacks of books bought and not yet read, which is reaching bad proportion. My goal through the end of the year is to read as much off these shelves as possible.

The first of these was Ken Sparling's DAD SAYS HE SAW YOU AT THE MALL, which, holy fuck, is immediately one of my favorite books. It's from the Lish days of Knopf, consisting of really stripped scenes from suburban fatherhood, really weird and funny, maybe like if Gary Lutz wrote for the Simpsons or something, or semi-like WHY DID I EVER, but those descriptions don't really cut it. I can't think of a single person I know who wouldn't love this book I think.

Here are three random sections from the book, to get an idea:

Tutti and I were living in that apartment when you couldn't put anything in the freezer because of all the ice forming on the freezer walls. I saw my whole life in that freezer. I saw a guy with hairy legs, living in a cave, eating frozen fish-sticks. I saw God in that freezer.



It was having the boner that gave me the boner.



I have never wanted to hang myself, or slit my wrists, if that's what you are thinking. There are certain ways of talking--sometimes I am capable of this--where everyone shuts up and listens. I don't know why they do this.

Here is the interview with Sparling that originally made me want to buy the book, I think it was several years ago.

As well, here is a Sparling story on elimae

I highly, highly recommend this book.




* You can now preorder the 'Handwritten issue' of Keyhole Magazine, is is in full color and every page is handwritten, which is an amazing idea I think. It includes stuff by many amazings, ie: Kim Chinquee, Kevin Sampsell, Elizabeth Ellen, Aaron Burch, William Walsh, Kelly Spitzer, Claudia Smith, Kathy Fish, Laura Ven Der Berg, and scads of others.



My thing is a novel excerpt, from WHERE AM I WHERE HAVE I BEEN WHERE ARE YOU, I am excited to read the reading out of this read.

No man might control the pellet of uterine destiny w/o first cod crammed ewruweifoijf

Keyhole Magazine's still-new website is running a feature to highlight the release of Michael Kimball's incredible DEAR EVERYBODY. This site includes an interview, excerpts and my review of the book.

DEAR EVERYBODY, as predicted, is already taking heads off around the nation.

There is also a new issue of Keyhole Magazine on the racks now, I read more than half of it this afternoon and really enjoyed it, they continue to do new things in a high quality burn em up fashion, things are moving,

The reading in Atlanta last night went really well, I couldn't have asked for more from a town pretty spare in the way of readings, we had a great turn out, thanks to everyone who came, and to the bands and Zach Plague and Todd Dills, who were both awesome to hang out with. I am working with some folks to make it a more regular thing very soon.

The reading of Sam Pink's play went down really well, big ass steak knives and all. The video turned out pretty good, it's going to take me a while to get around to uploading it, I will do it.

Umm, more to talk about therein quite soon.



There's also a new Games themed issue of Hobart on the way out which looks like it will be the best thing they've done yet, including work by friends Kim Chinquee, Barry Graham, Matt Bell, Jennifer Pieroni, Brandi Wells and many excellent others. They launched a bonus-features site to go along with the issue wherein I wrote an alternate ending for Barry's story about texas hold em, which was a lot of fun, you should buy the issue of read the story and all else.

There is a lot to read there, I really like Mike Alber's thing on playing Magic, i don't give a fuck what you say Magic is the best game ever created, i played it when i was very fat, I had to cash in my cards to be allowed to lose my weight

it makes risk look like a thing a granny could destroy with one scooch of her's v-v.

I feel like I can't focus today at all

I am done with beer for at least 3 weeks I promise myself

I used to say beer tasted like either piss or soy sauce

Now I know it can also taste like bad fruit juice or bad water

I promised myself I wouldn't say anything about babies today

How about kitties and titties instead



okay and babies

I uploaded the pierced vulva to REDBINKERS.COM and got a response query mailed in 30 seconds

<<<I blurbed Sam Pink's first book.>>>

Keyhole just launched their new website, it will now run online content to accompany the excellent print leg, the debut site has a new interview I did with Tao Lin about COGNITIVE-BEHAVIORAL THERAPY, another interview with William Walsh, new fiction by Kim Chinquee and Thomas Cooper, and more. Plus the site just looks really nice. They are accepting submissions of all kinds of writing for it, go look. The site is beautiful and will be a great place for new words.

Michael Kimball wrote my life story on a postcard. Michael is probably one of the easiest people to talk to I've met in years. Not to mention one of the coolest, and with a sweet tooth to battle my own. This postcard project is pretty insane, the text all really came to my house on a postcard handwritten very small, I don't know how he does it.

My review of his absolutely amazing and form bending novel DEAR EVERYBODY is forthcoming, but let me just say you don't need to wait for me to say so: this book is new, unusual, compelling, fun to read, and unlike most any other, you should go ahead and preorder.

Today I got THE BATTLEFIELD WHERE THE MOON SAYS I LOVE YOU by Frank Stanford in the mail, I had meant to order and finish reading beyond the little bits I'd read before for quite some time now, Peter Markus's encouragement that he carries it everywhere with him when he is reading it "and he often does" pushed me over the edge, and now I am just sitting here staring at what a beautiful book and words.



If you have some extra money, even a couple bucks, consider donating to Peter's Inside Out Literary Arts Project, which sends writers in to teach writing to K-12 students in Detroit, they are having a fundraiser where donations will be matched I think if they reach $25k, you can't ask for a much better cause.

Too much good to read now, things are good.

Approved proofs of NO COLONY issue 1 yesterday, planning to arrive in NYC early next Friday afternoon for Launch Party at Barbes, excited, please come.

Other things are brewing.

- - -

The next issue of Lamination Colony, I am making, I need favors from people who look at this blog, I am going to ask you to do it and then you can decide if you want to do.

I would like people to send me headshots, close up shots, you should not have clothes on, though it doesnt not have to be apparent in the shot that you don't have clothes on, except your shoulders should not have clothes on them.

You are welcome to also send more photos in the same series, I may also use them with it.

The background can be anything, but mostly I just want the face close up.

It should be in a high enough resolution that it can be used for something. If you use the default on your camera don't shrink it, just crop it clean and send to me, or don't crop it, I can crop things, I know about cropping.

Please mail these not to my personal address but to laminationcolony [at] gmail [dot] com

Engorged Sinus of the Bird Hormone

I got a rejection today from New Ohio Review, for my story THE DISAPPEARED, which appears in their current issue. That's kind of new. The editorial culling process employed by these bigger magazines is really confusing, so it probably confuses them too. I know the editor from the first 3 issues who had accepted and published the story just got yanked for reasons I am unsure of. Still, I want to send them a copy of their own magazine back with my story in it and the rejection slip attached, and a rejection of their rejection.

Rejection letters now just make me smile, if anything, I have no feelings anymore, the work is what the work is, in fact I think I get more kicks out of rejections than I do acceptances somehow, is that weird?

Shane Jones had some extremely nice things to say about my forthcoming novella EVER... to be mentioned in the same breath as Unguentine, Motorman and the Singing Fish is beyond...

No Colony went off to printers today. I feel like we shat a baby, Ken and I. Looks like we'll be having a couple of launch parties in the next few weeks or month, one in NYC and maybe west coast and/or Atlanta. More on that soon.

Luna Park Review called NO COLONY "2008's most talked most about and most feared new lit mag."

Whatchu know about dat?



Atlanta/Brooklyn based magazine THE OPEN FACE SANDWICH just took one of the last unpublished stories in Scorch Atlas. Their first issue looks really nice and has work by Deb Olin Unferth, Ariana Reines, etc. People should buy issues and send to them, they read quickly and have a good style, aesthetic.

I am going to post a list of the small presses I found when subbing my longer books recently, ones that are open and accessible seeming. This is a note to self to remember to do this.



The 4th issue of Keyhole Magazine is now for presale and it looks amazing. Keyhole just keeps getting better and better, I can't wait to see this issue. It includes new work by Kevin Wilson, whose story from 2006 in Diagram fucking rules: THE DEAD SISTER HANDBOOK, as well as friends Jason Jordan, T.J. Forrester, more.

Adam Robinson continues to be one of the most entertaining people on the lit web, profiling/interviewing some bitchass kid named Zach

Thanks to everyone so far who has had kind words, posts, etc., about LILY HOANG's THE WOMAN DOWN THE HALL, I hope people keep reading it, the story is designed that each page stands apart and they weave together, so reading in splashes is encouraged. It's hard to read long online, so the book will be there for you, gobbbless the interslice. Please more share!

I can't believe I missed these guys in Atlanta this year:



Atlanta.

Sigh.

Crudding the Baby's 'Infinity Gauntlet' Graphic Novel Bib

Thanks to all the amazing notes/blog posts/comments/etc. from everyone in the past few days about everything going on. I feel like things are happening.

Christian Peet from Tarpaulin Sky (which has a new issue online now that I am excited about reading) blogged about some of the things in my 'do more' post, with some other chronicling of his building his home, it is an excellent post and includes another edge of perspective: WHY I HAVE BEEN REMISS IN SAYING THAT YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE.

Christian's blog made me remember another important thing, on the opposite leg of one of the points I made before: to writers submitting work: learn to chill. Yeah, it sucks when it takes editors a long time to get back to you, and I do think it's important for them to stay on top of shit and try to minimize waits, but, in the end, it's important to keep your cool and realize that your submission is, in the end, a submission, and a lot of the time editors are doing everything they can to get shit done, and even if they aren't, try to chill, go swimming or eat a taco or something. Everyone is waiting with you. Patience is valued on the author's end, just in the same way timely attention is valued in editors.

I'm not going to get ramped up again. Instead, check out Dan Wickett @ EWN and Matt Bell's excellent additions to the thread.

----

I did a video reading of my Chris Farley / Andy Kaufman texts from the new issue of Keyhole for the Keyhole Blog. You can also download a higher quality version through their iTunes podcast for free, which includes interviews with William Walsh, readings by Michael Kimball, and more. Keyhole is exciting to me in all that they are doing and plan to do. Watch out.

I was sick in the video.



Mark Baumer from Everyday Yeah just started a new feature on the site called TWO MINUTE MINDS, where for two minutes you just say what is in your head w/o thinking. The first person that did it was Rainn Wilson, who I am not a big fan of, his face annoys me, and I am now up on the site also. I hadn't had any coffee when I did it maybe you can tell.

Mark Baumer is doing interesting things with Everyday Yeah, I like the way he bends forms of reviews and interviews while also promoting small press lit. Another model for innovation. He used Elizabeth Ellen's picture for my picture.

Here is me in my Tao Lin promotional t-shirt, though the shirt is mostly not in the picture, use your promotional imagination to complete the image:



Tao is also a model for innovation, he was the person who suggested I start this blog, he is using ideas I think people will use in the future if they are smart, he deserves post Al Gore internet innovation credit, Tao Lin is smarter than Radiohead, if I had money I would buy a share in his next novel.

I have a lot more to say, but in the spirit of not going on forever again (more than I already have, how the fuck does this get so long so fast) I am going to go look at stuff.