Today is nothing. Today got started. My car was dead when I tried to leave after waking at 2 in the afternoon. It died again after I took a shower. I went and bought some crap at the grocery and then I ate it. I am sitting in a chair.
I decided to look at some old posts from Tao's blog. I wanted to read the ones about him editing the book for Future Tense that got canceled and ended up on Bear Parade because those posts are so weird and sometimes funny and almost sad. I started to copy and paste little bits of quotes out. I made it into a poem. I am that bored and/or tired and/or aimless. This poem consists of language made by Tao, Kevin Sampsell, Matthew Simmons, some girl that complained at Tao in an email, Fernando Pessoa, whoever writes the rejection letters for some lit journal I can't find the name of, and probably one or two others from comments sections. I used several different posts. The em dashes come when I switch posts. The title is from the first post Tao ever did. I don't know why I did this. I don't know why I'm putting it online, but I think if I delete it I'll feel even dumber. And anyway I like the poem. It made me feel better about today while I was making it. Good job to those who made the words.
AND SO I FEEL A LITTLE GOOD
i don't know what to do,
no one knows what to do,
I'm glad you understand this.
I know you're really young.
If I wanted to help myself
in the way you are talking about
I would write a young adult novel
I can’t remember. Okay. Good. Thank you.
Wait. I don’t want to make this longer.
what are you going to do then?
why do you ask? i am fucked no matter what i do—
sorry for any trouble trying
to express something specific and unique.
consider subscribing at the low rate of $16 a year.
it's okay to disrupt people's lives—
i realize how i've been manipulated.
i've convinced myself that this is a good idea.
I have form letters from people I have asked out.
Stop writing. Please stop writing.
To want not to suffer from this is to want too much—
the universe will somehow agree.
people will never look around the room
and the movie screen will show a cow on a field
with a photo of my face on it—
you aren't going to like this.
i also do not understand.
there is also something that happens
and that is what has happened to me.