Monday, April 13, 2009



guess what

some things happened mmK

tell ya bout that later


some other things too: a friendly power jogger (Mike Young) and a Marxist milksucker (Bradley Sands) made this thing called DRAGONS WITH CANCER for the Magic Helicopter Press

each contributor (but lo!) was asked to send in a realistic story and an unrealistic story, about whatever

My stories, titled 'Realistic Story' and 'Unrealistic Story: An Annotation,' are up on that shits with some crazies named Ray Fracalossy Avital Gad Cykman Sam Pink Gina Ranalli Sean Kilpatrick Rhys Hughes Ofelia Hunt Andersen Prunty Kevin L. Donihe

I wrote my pieces in vast fury one afternoon after some long discussion about how fiction should get to 'what is human' and how fiction should do this and that

money was shooting out of my eyes during the composition period, which was extensive

my story 'Realistic Story' pervades a viewpoint, which makes it dangerous, as does its brother (note: you toggle between stories for each author by clicking the pic on the story page mmK)

these two stories are soon to become required reading for idiots who decide they want to be writers

'Realistic Story' has a dramatic twist and contains the sentence: "Phillip Roth is Alice Munro is Anton Chekov is Barack Obama is a sandwich is oinken blarzstensen is a steaming pound of need." it is an earned sentence, it really is, like how i earned money to buy a coon skin hat when i was nine by scraping shitty floor wax off of tiles in my parents foyer, it was a horrible deal but i got the hat

the second story is fun with workshopping

let's have a look, it would be fun

i think these stories together make a parish in which i will lay my face apart

hey, let's discuss being human real soon

also rad is that Magic Helicotper has plans out the yingyang, with new print releases already announced by Jimmy Chen, Jack Christian, and a full length poetry book by Daniel Bailey

wowsers, for real

mad props to these friends

and mad thanks to Mike and Bradley for the power fun, let's read together like women do with babies before breast time

congrats again to my man Ken Baumann for having the balls to attempt to make a real piece of film art in this shithole America (he is adapating Stanley Crawford's 'Log of the S.S. The Mrs. Unguentine' info)

Ken is one of the realest motherfuckers I know, he does what he says and says what he does

i am also convinced that matthew simmons is rad as fuck

man, today i spoke on the fone with the irs, those guys are cool. they actually kind of are. they know how to talk into the phone and know how to know words to say back, unlike most phone users representing large entities.

never talk shit about the irs in front of me again

'm feeling eruptive, somebody come over with a bag of glass and let's build a whorehouse and burn it to the ground

it's happy fury, which is best kind, really

today for a little while i felt like i did heroin

i don't know what doing heroin feels like
or even smoking weed
cuz i am pure

i also ate some candy i found under the seat in my car

i registered the other night while i was drunk playing poker, now what


let's rock



i apologize in advance for anything i've ever done

n shit

Amelia said...

I do not recommend anyone here attempt to visit the website


dang it amelia


BLAKE BUTLER said... actually looks really fun

Amelia said... is just a bunch of dudes standing in a circle shouting RIBS! RIBS! RIBS! in unison

Amelia said...

I mean, that's cool if that's your thing


its my thing, girl

its my thing


one might say its even my 'thang'

DB said...

i accept your props. thank you, blake.

jereme said...

you have to know how to cook heroin to shoot it silly cock.

well unless you snort it but snorting it is kind of pussy.

you snort heroin to stay "normal" during your day job so you can go home and shoot it.

i doubt many people will understand the humor/honesty in that.

i am glad.

stay pure.

Ken Baumann said...

you win, seriously, two of the most __________ things i've read about this game. bajeez. you must've been eating money buffet like.

i think you're onto something with the matt simmons rad thing.

high on life


4 lyf

thanks ken

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

Thank you for recognizing that I am rad as fuck. No one does that.

sam pink said...

yo i just printed out RICKY"S BLOOD. finna put a dime of some heroin in a spoon with some water, then heat the bottom of the spoon, then drop a small ball of cotton into the boiling mess, then inserting a needle into the ball and withdrawing the heroin, then shooting it into the area between my toes so no ones knows. anyway.


fuckin mmm

Anonymous said...

Awesome post. So much fun to read.