Wednesday, November 25, 2009


a took my dad took wendy's today cuz he wanted to and he ordered 3 asian chicken salads into the machine, tried to get me to get 4 instead, we took em home and ate em then came down the hall and gave me a box of blackjack cigars, he'd been hiding 3 boxes from i don't know who in his workshop, it seemed important when he gave me the cigars

b took a bath reading the city and the city with a lot of lights on in the tiled area, i like this book, i'd like this book to have been edited also by a machine and perhaps translated into a different alphabet some, one of the books inside the book talks about having a different language with 34 characters

c earlier today i told my mom i was thinking of jumping out of a window and she said make sure the window's not closed, she meant it in a good way

d eating snow cream ice cream it's like that ice cream we'd make as kids scraping fresh snow off the diving board and mixing it with sugar and vanilla though the last few times i tried to do that again it tasted like shit

e insomnia book today is at 57977 words, it is less insomnia and more ____, it is doing some things. i think this manuscript is going to turn out quite something long, seems like i am just getting started, seems like

f sleeping troubles still shitting on america inside our household, last night H slept on the sofa by choice cuz of how i kick and bash i guess when i am sleeping, she's said the other night inside my sleep i said i want to shit on someone and something else i can't remember

g earlier today dad couldn't find the blue cup he likes to drink juice out of and so poured a lot into a blue bowl and sat it on the counter and left it there and kept looking for the glass

h i feel like i've gotten a lot older this year like my body is being older i've been finding it harder to run as long as i'd like to, there are people who come into the gym almost all the same times as i do and none of us ever talk to one another except there used to be that woman who came in with a different dude each time and they would stand behind her and watch her ass while she did the step machine and looked at a really loud tv

i i have been feeling really flatly emotional about a lot of small things like certain kinds of food and in certain minutes where the desk is almost turning to look at me but it doesn't, sometimes there are little bugs crawling up the glass inside this room

j made a mix cd for the first time in a long time the other night downloading music off the online, trying to find some new music again that i can be ok with, trying to be nicer, to think longer before i say things, to be more resilient or careful in certain ways but the more i do that the more it seems it comes out the wrong way, seems like being literal is not appreciated or not ok, seems like there is paper made of hair somewhere in this house all underneath me and

k i don't know, like chris farley said inside that other person, 'who gives a rat's behind,' earlier today and just before we went to wendy's my father told me something about a machine that had broken his 73 year old heart

l reading james merrill


Oscar B. said...


I am reading your book Scorch Atlas. It is superb. Very pleased to get to know your work.

xxOscar B

Blake Butler said...

hi oscar, thank you, i appreciate that

jereme said...

yes, i have always found the latter part of J to be true.

the nicer you are, the farther the interpretation is.

this concept used to make me very sad. "if some one cannot accept me while being nice, how can they accept me for who i am", was the notion.

so i dropped all guises and i am me now.

being yourself is fairly lonely.

i mean when some one doesn't accept you or gets upset at something you say or do it is because almost every time you failed to meet a preconception or projected expectation.

they are upset or sad or disappointed that you are you.

i like the lists. nice to see them pop every now and again.