Sunday, July 13, 2008

What is a canary's overwhelming want for j/o materal?

America's Got Talent is a hit show

I don't want to read a book set in a foreign country if the person who wrote the book traveled there to write it and especially if they are white

Nothing is important

Authentic mexican food makes my whole head vibrate clean, tonight there were so many mexicans there, they were smiling at us, I was worried about the table in the back of my father's truck even though we'd tied it down, we saw the most perfect mexican mullet go into the men's room and he stayed in there with another guy for a long time

Anytime I think something it won't take long for the opposite to manifest itself unless I am aware of the expectation of the opposite manifestation, and then it will just crawl inside my ass and eat dinner, I serve a good buffet I think

Poker is not for math people, it will crush your little fragile vagina

Everyone has a vagina especially me, it's like magic

I've been saying 'cunt' a lot I don't know why

If someone asked for advice right now about being a writer I think mine mostly would be: don't

The television is on in the room and I just limped with 8 3 offsuit and got raised

I don't want to keep thinking about anything that isn't made of slush puppie

As of right now that includes email

I am starting to despise my email, it's like a special driver's license that you aren't allowed to touch

Am I going to go to the dentist soon

Less than 30 minutes ago I threw myself on the floor and beat my fists and I was saying a lot of shit and the dog looked up at me

I am almost done living with the dog

If you limp, they raise if you don't have a big hand, if you limp and have a big hand they don't raise and they hit the flop harder than you do, if you have a big hand in late position they will all fold around it makes a swishing sound kind of

I am impressed with 'the lack'

Soon I will receive an email cursing me out with *'s making the expletives I will call my mother to the computer and show her

The other day I wanted to go into the room I am using and turn on a video recorder and lay on the bed with a box of cereal and pour it all over myself laughing and call my mother into the room and see what she says but I didn't do it because I felt serious about it

I feel flashing pangs of the biggest shit and these times where I am absolutely positive if I touch my head against the wall hard it will go right through

How much does it cost to make someone break your spine

Poker players make a lot of sense talking about hands in retrospect, they make the hands seem arranged by god

Is every hand arranged by god or are we going to get me some new socks

I said one time to someone 'I hate new socks' just because he'd said how much he likes new socks

4:29 am is ok to touch your urethra during, I am not doing that

Where does the urethra start?

Can we have a special day together

Anything you delete I'll delete, I'll do the whole of it I promise

I'm gonna make a bowl of cereal and watch it cry

I feel very focused in my lack of focus, if I had a photo of Jesus Christ I'd kiss it to bits

I am going to write mean emails back to everyone who emails me tomorrow including my employers including nice people, not including the spam folder, not including people who write me specifically now to get written back to mean, including nuns and babies, including list-servs and other stuff that asks you not to write back to them because it's just going to bounce

One of the bounced emails will be the best fucking thing I ever fucking wrote

19 comments:

Brandi Wells said...

Apparently I called our waitress cunt to her face all night at beer and wings night. I have no recollection of this.

jereme said...

i like this post. this is a good post. it contains a plethora of ideas to reflect upon.

but, no offense, you seem angry. at least your posts have been the past couple of days.

i would hug you if no one is looking and try to alleviate your anger.

or I might smack you in the balls when I go in for the hug.

you never know with me.

p.s. you are absolutely right about the vagina.

jereme said...

brandi,

good job. i like to use the word "cunt" too.

Cunt renaissance.

It is a misunderstood word.

good job for spreading it.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

good job brandi i like the mental image

BLAKE BUTLER said...

jereme, yes something is wrong with me i'm not sure how to explain it

smack me in the b alls

peter b. said...

yes but do you have an AUXILIARY VAGINA?

BLAKE BUTLER said...

i prefer to call it COOTER

peter b. said...

what about GINA TOWN 2?

BLAKE BUTLER said...

peter your language is making me sticky

jereme said...

I have always been a proponent of the term "JELLY ROLL"

It was used in the 20s.

ANCILLIARY JELLY ROLL DESTRUCTION NIGHT LIGHT BRET FAVRE JESUS IN A SPEEDO STICKY BROKE AND CONFUSED BOY SHORTS VICTORIAS RUMORS AND A SPOONFULL OF ICECREAM FOR THE HOT GOLDEN GIRL AND HER JELLY ROLL

BLAKE BUTLER said...

full concurrence, that is languidly erection oriented

jereme said...

ancillary too

Spot said...

You have a dog?

BLAKE BUTLER said...

my parents do, i am just now finally moving into my place after the tornado

jereme said...

what exactly is wrong with having a dog?

is it not literary?

fuck literary!

BLAKE BUTLER said...

having a dog is probably some kind of something

i'm just lazy

jereme said...

you are some kind of something


i feel the need to cmmment a million times now since that one thread.

i am sorry.

Keith said...

I like Derek's stuff in the newest Fourteen Hills. Apparently there's something from the book there? Maybe both pieces. It's on my list of books to snag.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

yeah there is an excerpt there

snag that bitch