Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Where did Lucy purchase her new vagina?

Ryan Call now has a promotional offer for No Colony issue 1. All you have to do is buy a copy and he'll send you a free copy of Robert Coover's Pricksongs and Descants, which is an incredible collection of imagist/surrealist and hyperlanguaged stories. I read a lot of it on a plane once and felt really sick, but glad about the sick.

I will follow that up by sending a copy of Gordon Lish's PERU to the person after the person who orders and fulfills Ryan's offer.

This is a strong and good way to promote something I think, and I feel very happy people are doing it, I encourage more give away deals from others, it would be nice to have people doing more.

Everyone can do more.

Here are some ways you can do more, outside of spending $$$.

(1) When you read something you like, in any form, write the author and tell them. You don't have to gush or take forever. Just tell them you saw it, you read it, you liked it. It's a supportive feeling. It's better than not saying anything.

(2) Write reviews of books you like. Short review/long review, whatever. It's not that hard. It takes a little work to think about it clearly, but what goes around comes around. You can't expect to be recognized for your work if you aren't recognizing others for their work. Open the doors.

(3) Interview writers. New writers or well known writers. You like somebody's work a lot? Ask to do an interview with them. It doesn't take a ton of effort. Write up some questions. Let them talk. Spread the word. Talk. Say. Get. Eat.

I have done this for years and have made friends by doing it, have 'opened doors' so to speak: in other words, by helping others, you are also helping yourself. If spreading others' work isn't enough in your mind, think of it as 'connections.' (I hope you don't have to think about it in this way to justify it because that is sad, but, well, some people...) Things often can/might happen as a result of these things, on both ends, even if they are just small things, small things add up, small things can be good things, haven't you read Carver, momentum.

Energy. Power cock.

(4) If you have free time, start an online journal. Start a blog, a review, an anything. If you don't know how I'll help you. Say stuff. Mean what you say.

(5) If you have a journal already, respond faster. Pay attention to your inbox. When someone asks a question that feels dumb or unnecessary maybe, answer it anyway. Don't be a fuck. Yeah, we're all busy. Yeah, things take time. Work to take less time. It's okay to move forward at a wicked pace. (And yes, as an editor, I too struggle to adhere to this advice, but I struggle at least, everyone struggles, but you can always struggle more. I am so tired of seeing journals with 200+ days response time, why do you even exist? Does it really take that long to like something? People should stop sending to these places. Seriously. Just stop sending.

Yeah I know the flood comes strong. Stand in the flood. (Me too.))

Seriously, Conjunctions/Ninth Letter/Subtropics: these 3 journals get just as much work coming in as anybody, and they all respond often in less than a month.

To everyone: Push the fucking envelope even harder than you do. Be an open node.


I am amazed sometimes by people who want to be writers and yet seem to know little to nothing about even the more popular journals, who don't read that actively, who don't buy literary magazines hardly ever but send out their own work constantly, who don't buy even their friends work, who etc etc. Then they want to turn around and call anyone with any stripe of 'success' a 'secret handshake motherfucker' or 'in crowd' or anything like that.

There are people who don't even answer their emails when they get those 'I like your work' mails, which really blows my mind some. You're just typing into a keyboard like the rest of us. Don't be Richard Ford spitting on Colson Whitehead. Don't be a turd person.

Getting involved is being involved, and if you aren't actively promoting others, I don't know why in hell you'd think anyone would ever want to read or support you.

I didn't mean to get into ranting, I really didn't, I had no specific person in mind when I thought of all that, but I know there are tons of writers out there who don't do even a 100th of the amount of work spreading the word as they do trying to pimp their own stuff.

I am happy to know the people I do who do so much everyday.

And yet everyone (me included, I am above none of this, though I try) can do more, and if you want to BE more yourself, you SHOULD, even if its just something tiny like a mention of work you liked, or an email, or an idea, or looking, talking, thinking, shitting, causing trouble, laughing, responding.

Kiss a vagina for online lit? 'This one's for Colin Bassett, baby.'


In that vein, here is some stuff I read today that I really liked:

Titular Magazine continues to eat faces: three really excellent new recent stories: HAIRSPRAY by Kim Chinquee, SAY ANYTHING by Brandon Hobson, and ANTZ by Matthew Simmons.

Shampoo has awesome stuff from Chris Higgs and Mike Young.

I should also mention that I got my contributor copy of SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY 2 in the mail and every story I've read so far has been stellar. Check it out.


Matt Bell said...

I love these posts where you get all fucking wound up. They get me wound up, too.

Just checked out Titular earlier today for the first time. Seems cool.


haha, good, let's wind, and then unwind


titular, yes, they have made me happy at many occasions, i just saw yr post about it too, good things ys

ryan said...

the asian mark wahlberg

Shane Jones said...

i really liked this post. i feel fired up.

jereme said...

good post

and I can validate blake's altruistic ways. email me and i will cite examples of his kindness. there are many.

real talk


i need to do more

death-hustler said...

Blake Butler is the new St. Paul - feisty, inspired, militant

communities of selfless esteem will enchant and devour all listless pricks

Blake Butler i want you to represent me in local 76, I will send you my rosary ( no joke )

jereme said...


any one who possesses sagacity knows there is no completeness

the fact that you are 'doing' is a concrete action that most do not understand

so fret not

and if you need examples of what you have 'done'

well you can email me too


DH i will step up to the plate, my eyes are big

jereme, i will eat a hamburger soon in your honor, yr honor

Ben Spivey said...

This is a fantastic post. Good information, and I agree. The community of writers/arts need to support each other. Plus who doesn't like titular?


thanks ben, where are you in atlanta

Ben Spivey said...

I go to school at Georgia State University, I live close to the north springs station of Marta. My drivers license says I live in Cumming.

colin bassett said...


Jason Jordan said...

"I am so tired of seeing journals with 200+ days response time, why do you even exist? Does it really take that long to like something? People should stop sending to these places. Seriously. Just stop sending."

I pretty much don't even bother with publications that I know take a longass time to respond. There are so many other places out there that do respond in a reasonable amount of time, thankfully.


ben, you are in the writing program there? i live very close to gsu

colin, resultzzz

jason, i agree, i avoid them also, they should be even more thoroughly avoided. let's start alternate websites for all of them

Kim Chinquee said...

Great post, Blake! I'm with you (though have to think twice about that kissing thing).

And thanks for the plug.

Anonymous said...

Shit, brother, I hope it wasn't me that took 200 days? I might take 100 days, but now that I don't have a day job, hell, I'll turn shit around in a day.


kim, thank you, haha, yes the vagina kissing might be problematic, but i still encourage it

derek, zzzfish always seemed quick to me. you are def not on the poolist for that. i dont know avg times for full book presses, but i am sure you are quicker than those too. book presses i think get a little more slack anyway since it's a much bigger commitment than taking a story.

plus, oh, i dunno, you've been selling all your shit and leaving the country...

you are a golden child regardless



i think this list speaks for itself:


23 journals slower than the new yorker...


i'm mainly thinking also of journals run by big groups of people, who have tons of people working on it and still take almost a year. i just dont get it?

calamari i think is actually a great example of what i strive for: one man running a press and journal almost entirely on your own.

we need more calamaris.

we need more bear parades.

Anonymous said...

Funny that I posted at same time as Kim. Speaking of press turn around times, I owe both of you emails in regards to manuscripts... but I'm too busy reading your blog and kissing goats.


i imagine too, that i am completely talking out of my ass on this one. I have had quick responses from places with reputations for long delays. on the other hand i have had rejections that came back almost 15 months after the fact, or not at all.

everyone's life is different, i just dont understand certain things.


kiss the goat derek

Ben Spivey said...

yeah, I'm finishing up a writing degree at gsu. It's a good program. most of the professors don't suck.


ben, right on man. if you ever wanna get a drink, drop me a line. i am supposed to meet up with your classmate(?) james iredell sometime soon for a beer, talk some shit, etc.

Anonymous said...


damn i am jealous

Mike Young said...

Hear yee hear yee, sir. You have my vote.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

angela, i look fwd to reading it. good.

Tao Lin said...

i 'support this post'

i read submissions for 'epiphany magazine' a long time ago and one time i became annoyed that there was one submission left on my table and felt like i 'needed' to 'get rid of it immediately' and i ripped the envelope in half and threw it away, i think about 4 months after i put it on my table, i think that was really 'horrible' of me but i laughed a lot and it has entertained me a lot of times 'through the years,' i think i will always believe that it is funny

i have typed about that in other places, i will probably keep typing that 'anecdote' for 'the rest of my life'

i also haven't responded to any submissions to 3 a.m. magazine for about 8-10 months, but when i became the editor i think i said that i was just going to publish people i know and people who comment on my blog after i click their names and go to their blogs and find something they have posted that i like

i 'resigned' as an editor for 3 a.m. magazine but they didn't respond to my resignation yet, maybe i will be an editor for them 'forever'

i really like 3 a.m. magazine, they let me do whatever and interview whoever and write about things

i also really like 'the stranger,' they let me do whatever also and pay me within a week

i think 'the cincinnati review' responds pretty quickly for their size and 'prestige'

'noon' also responds quickly i think, when they rejected me a lot they responded pretty quickly i think

i think 'fence' is funny, i don't understand how a person can get into fence, they publish so many people in one issue but i don't think i can really remember ever receiving a response from them and i'm pretty sure i submitted to them at least five times

i have a file of all my submission things, i wonder if i still have it


tao, haha, i like the image of you tearing the last submission. i think there are submissions i let go too long and then feel bad and start to not see them somehow, sort of on purpose, i try not to let that happen any more.

sometimes it is hard to respond to people. esp rejections, it takes a lot out of you. sometimes i put it off even though i know i am going to reject, just because i feel i cant do it.

noon, yes, they are usually quicker than a month, they are on top of it. i have been rejected by them a lot. one time 'thanks' was written on the form rej. how many times did it take you to get accepted?

fence, i was really surprised at how quick i got an acceptance from them, it was kind of out of the blue, i think they work sporadically, i have heard of very long periods from them also.



Tao Lin said...

when i first started with 3 a.m. i would write things on my to do list like 'reject 5 people' and i would do that, it would feel like i had done something and wasn't that hard, i'm not sure what happened that i stopped

i think noon rejected me 3-4 times, 'looking back' now i feel like i was submitting things they 'obviously' wouldn't publish sort of

i really enjoyed being rejected by one story, it was exciting checking the status on their online thing, i think they rejected every story i have written that is more than 3500 words

DOGZPLOT said...

i just got an email from opium.... one year and eleven days after the fact... telling me they were gonna pass my story over to the next guy. what the fuck.

the richard ford, colson whitehead reference was brilliant.

titular accepted my story in two and a half hours and posted it the same fucking day. i love you titular.


tao, i feel a small sense of backwards accomplishment when i read and reject, clearing the air a little, getting the dirty work done. i still hate it.

one story, yeah, i have a long list of rejects there too, it is like baseball cards.

congrats barry i will be on the lookout, yes titular is nice folks.

Jason Jordan said...

I read that "Basketball Is Not a Drug" story in Best of the Web 2008 last night, which I really enjoyed, and thought, "Hmm, Blackbird. I might send something their way sometime." Today I saw their average return rate of 243 days. Fuck that.


yeah, an online mag with that long of a turnaround is just inexcusable if you ask me

jereme said...

holy comments batman

i take a shit and come back to enough comments to blank the sudan

and one extra in case we fucked up

"we need more calamaris.

we need more bear parades."

i will reiterate a past comment. i will be more than happy to put forth monetary effort.

everything else is on you or some one who is artistic or literary or variable x that i do not possess.

and as for the submission thing i concur

i mean how hard is it to put up an autoresponse to say "we got it. thanks. expect a respone in X time"?

i work in the IT industry and will provide the answer for you

2 mins of effort


jereme: soon i am going to offer a real, palpable opporunity for those interested in putting together funds toward a press: look for it in the next month. after the n/c issue gets off to printer, i am going into 'serious mode'

jereme said...

oh shit

i just got scared and clutched my balls. they are still there

but i am still scared

the "serious dick cutting mode" button is blinking red

and i am trembling with terror

reap it

sam pink said...

i hate everyone here. kill the internet. blake butler is really matt christopher.


i'm really a gray boil on chipper jones's inner eyelid

matthew savoca said...


also, somebody from korea has been looking at my blog like 10 times a day every day for a week or two. is this happening to anyone else?

Anonymous said...

In defense of long response times, for aesthetic and cohesive reasons, sometimes it's good to let subs accumulate to see how they mesh with others. A straight rejection though, there's no excuse for it. I also won't respond to people that express no knowledge of what they are submitting to or that are so far off base it doesn't warrant a response. You got to remember that mag editors do this for nothing in most cases.

Did we officially "accept" Ever, Blake? Could this be the first manuscript submission that was accepted in blog comments?

christopher higgs said...

You could tweak this post and make it a manifesto.

We need more manifestos.

I actually raised my fist into the air and pumped it a little bit while I was reading this post.

Also, thanks for the shout out.


matthew has a korean stalker, mine are all from america i think

derek, haha, did you just really officially acceptance-ize me in a blog comment? that is the way it should always be from now on. ha. oh man.....................

Anonymous said...

As long as I don't get eaten by hyenas or run out of money... consider it official. Speaking of Lucy, that was my biggest regret when we were in Ethiopia was not visiting her (though the one in the museum in Addis Ababa is a cast). I will avenge that regret soon enough.

matthew savoca said...

also, while i'm asking questions...

does anyone know what's 'gotten into' ryan manning?

another thing, you totally used abstraction quotes in this post blake. i think. i dunno. whatev

ryan call said...

i am not ryan manning, bradley sands thought i was once, but that has been cleared up

that jespers story in the best of the web is really long - i was excited to read it and see it was online

Kathryn said...

the person from korea visits me too. they are 60% of my readership.


chris, fist pumperzzzzzzzzzz

derek, don't get eaten, 'official blog acceptance' haha, i only want them that way from now on

matthew, 'fuck'

ryan manning is just bored i think

Keith Montesano said...

i don't know if someone addressed this already, but i already ordered a real copy, for 11 fucking dollars, and where the hell is my free shit?

no colony better be really REALLY fucking good. jesus h christ.

the pineapple express is amazing by the way.

Scott Garson said...

re: response times: right on.

Titular, as Barry says, is great. THey rejected me in an hour, but I call that better than an acceptance after a 3 month wait.

I read stories at Wigleaf and have been guilty in the past of not responding right away because it seems to me more respectful or something not to pass immediate judgement, not to just say no right away. But almost always I know right away if I want something-- and I think that's all right, because that's in line w/ readers' experience: if I accept something it takes me six reads to appreciate, and if readers are like me, how many of them will ever get to the sixth read?

So I'm going to try to emulate C. Renner this year.


keith, touch your anus and pretend its me....


(seriously thanks for buying)


scott, exactly. i do that too usually, immediate decision but sometimes bonus reads help

everyone should emulate cooper, he is the master of us all

Keith Montesano said...

my birthday's in december. who's goddamn birthday is it?

can we get 5000 comments for just this post?

by the way, i actually read the post the whole way through, and i do really like it. i'm so sick of people lacking balls. and goddamn there are so many in the writing world.

do you have to have elephantitis? no, of course not. but have some balls. even if you're a chick, and vag is all you gotz.


the anus touch was an early bday present dummy

yeah lets make this garble into foreverz

Keith Montesano said...

aw thanks.

"when you get to college you're gonna get into godspeed you black emperor and the shins and turn into a lesbian"


haha what is that from

i dont know about pineapple express, i dont really like seth rogan, or moreso, i dont like the movies he's in, he seems ok i guess

Keith Montesano said...

it's from the motherfucking pineapple express, motherfucker.

it's insane, seriously. so much of it's just improv and crazy.

you need to like seth rogan. he's a year younger than me and he's probably had more snatchajawaya in his face than fucking wilt chamberlain.

maybe not that much. wilt the stilt was a fucking force.

i'm swearing so much.

i fucking love it.

Keith Montesano said...

by the way, you know what i always never thought would be as badass as it has turned out to be?

a dishwasher.

not a mexican guy at the local bar, either.

the real dishwasher. in the cabinet space. where you put jizz-like cleaner into it. and it cleans the dishes.

so good.


i guess i'll go see it, as long as it is not directed by that dipshit that does the 'knocked up' movies, judd whoever, i want that guy in a pile of moldy applesauce

did you say snatchajawaya

Keith Montesano said...

dude. come on. it's david gordon green. and if you want to see me hanging out with him you can go to facebook. that was just after snow angels and before the pineapple express. he's the man. so is tim orr. and danny mcbride's his boy from ncsa.

fanboy. sycophant. call it what you will. i've been on the dgg train 4Evsky.

snatchajawaya indeed.

drop it like it's hawTT.


the only david gordon green i've seen was george washington, a long time ago, i remember hating it, i had heard it was like gummo and it was not like gummo. maybe i should check some sht out

DOGZPLOT said...

scott scott scott you shouldn't have said that. now im gonna pump you with submissions every 1.4 days (that is coopers response time) until you take another one.

about quick responses... i rejected a story in two hours once, after reading it three times, the last time i even put my headphones on and listened to "me against the world" while reading.

he called me and asshole and told me i didn't even read it.

blake man, 65 comments is out of control. i am in awe.

i know whats up with ryan manning. i just caught him looking at my fetish porn site. ask him. he wont deny it.


haha i like the 2 hour rejection. often i read something and know its a rejection but wait a day or two just to make it seem 'legit'

'me against the world' yessir

Justin Rands said...

well said, sir.

Jimmy Chen said...

this is very interesting to read what other writers experience.

i have an excel submission log that keeps track of all submissions/rejections and section for 'potential submissions' like i want to submit but didn't get around to it.

i also have a 'goals' section with journals i want to get into. they include diagram, Hobart, NOON, conjunctions, Agni...and more...

i also formatted the excel file in colors that make me optimistic, like light blue and gray.

then there's a 'forthcoming' section, keeping track of journals that said yes, and the editor's name, and the 'last action' like, 'OKd revision, waiting back,' or, 'out in Fall '08'.

if i were an editor, i'd wear a t-shirt that says I FEAL SIC

Ravi Mangla said...

excellent post.


i want to make a gallery of everyone's submission logs, with pictures of the leg meat near their sex organs framed next to it, that would be fun

i want to mail a frozen dinner with meat in it to zoetrope, see if that helps them hurry up a little, when there is a massive stink coming from the slush pile

thanks ravi

Keith Montesano said...

you hated george washington? what the christ? it's not gummo. i love gummo too. it's entirely different from gummo. if he rips of anyone it's malick. you should see it again. it's been an inspiration for me at least. insanely. triumphantly.

Brandon Hobson said...

I just got back into town after taking a road trip yesterday morning down to Dallas (Arlington, actually) to see the Rangers play the Mariners last night. A terrific post and discussion. Noon has always been quick to respond to me. And Conjunctions, too. Like the Tao, I never got a responce from Fence. Who do you have to finger fuck to get into that journal?

Brandon Hobson said...


Keith Montesano said...

doesn't fence do the electronic subs now?

not that that matters. i sent there. but i know they're not gonna like my she-hat.


i have no idea how fence works, i do know my response was quick, not super quick, but under 3 months i think, who knows. i think fiction is slower than poetry


brandon, it helps to finger fuck every person you ever meet, that way you dont miss any any any potentialsz, nawaddimsayin

Keith Montesano said...

i still can't believe someone told you that george washington was like gummo. that kind of pisses me off. it's completely different.

i just love that fucking flick.




i will watch it again

this post is now discussed at the ploughshares blog:

if you are here from ploughshares, hi


ploughshares blog post by elisa gabbert

jereme said...

i purchased a vagina at a garage sale in santa ana.

it was a big vagina and had been used many times.

it had burn marks and ashes in it.

i cleaned it up and taught it mahler

and then it left me for a penis it found at a garage sale in newport beach

and i was left with mahler.

Keith Montesano said...

at least tons of people i know get into ploughshares too. oh wait.

i guarantee they get so much amazing shit that they can't publish because phil "well, that's a library book!" levine is too old and pissed and thinks everyone needs to suck his el dee-o-coh. hiooooooooooooooooooooooo.

i have to post a link to your link on my blog now, which i was going to do anyway.

fuckin' a, motherfucker.


keith you, sir, are pricelesss

matthew savoca said...

kum ba fuckin yah


i know, i feel like a hippy or something, why does that come out of me, this




i posted this on darby larson's blog in response to his response, i felt it was then necessary to post here to explain more

here it is:

yeah, i dont know, part of me, reading that post in a different mood, is like 'i hate communities what am i talking about'.

i think i really just do stuff like write review because it entertains me and because i like shit

i rarely think 'this is self promotion'

but sometimes i remember that everything relates to $$

on another token, i don't vote, will never vote, hate voting, despise the concept, i have no interest in that community

i think the best community is one that just happens, and maybe by quantifying it i have in a sense farted on it

welcome to moods :)

Darby said...

my experience is that the only time communities just happen, without any kind of ulterior motivation, is in preschool.

Scott Garson said...

re: what Darby said:

i've got a preschooler right now. I think things may have changed. THere are ulterior motives....


haha, yeah i dunno, in preschool motherfuckers were always tryin to get in when i had the good shovel, but wouldnt come anywhere near me after the bug landed on my face

i dont know, things happen, then other things happen

its good to try and make more pleasant things happen, i think

its good to try and be happy

DOGZPLOT said...


i looked communities up on wikipedia and..........

1. a small group of closet republicans who douche together on weekends....

2. if this post hits 100 comments i'm gonna.... do something

3. F U C K

Justin Rands said...

The asian Tori Spelling.

Matt Bell said...

I just wanted to point out that I commented on this post BEFORE it was famous.


matt bell also knows dr. dre

i feel my goiter coming in nice and slow

politics make my feet eat

Justin Rands said...

you're getting closer.

Keith Montesano said...

i was here in 1985.



Keith Montesano said...


jereme said...

i want to hold you bald

and feel your sunset


good job to matt bell. word up


what is



Drew Kalbach said...

nice post. i am commenting because i want to make barry cry as the comment count exceeds 100.

i agree with everything said, but that doesn't mean much, i'm like the weird guy that sits in the back of an advanced class on hydroelectric power (or something) and nods at everything the professor says but doesn't really know anybody or understand anything.


drew, i laughed, thank you, laughing is good

Drew Kalbach said...

youre welcome, i think this is number 100, i need to get a life.

jereme said...

let the weeping of grown men begin

and the ghost suckerfish will feed

on the tears and be nourished

by their emptiness

i am excited.

blake butler is going to topple tao lin as "god of all blogspot"

and he will wear his crown with apathy

i am excited

Ben Spivey said...

So, I've been checking back at the comments since this morning, and its obviously struck a cord with this culture/community of writers and artists.
I think that's because what we write and create (probably for the most of us) isn't mass marketable. For me that's a good thing, the counter-culture in a sense. But, as a sub-culture, we still need unity because that's how things get done. And that's what all of this is about.

@Jereme: crown of apathy, made me laugh.


i prefer a crown of shit

or a crayon of flesh

tao will never be defeated, believe dat

jereme said...

i like what matthew said.


embrace your destiny

and take your place

among the corpses

jereme said...

i meant ben not matthew

too many damn comments

i am getting cornfused

Brandon Hobson said...

Oh, and titular accepted my piece in maybe two hours. That editor is fantastic, whoever he/she is. Does anyone know? I didn't have to finger fuck anyone.

ryan call said...

i want jimmy chen to send me his excel spreadsheet

i have an excel spreadsheet - my wife made it for me, it counts days and stuff with formulas
it is math-y

i need to update it though
i am scared duotrope will break one day and i will be lost.

jimmy chen should get into hobart

good job, blake, on ploughshares link

Keith Montesano said...

burnt sienna.



Ben Spivey said...


Yeah me too, Titular had my story edited and posted in about 5 seconds.


brandon, i have no idea who the titular editor is either, i asked someone this the other day, it seems like it might be someone people would recognize. someone should find out.

ryan, i want to see everyone's weirdo sheets, its like panties, truth in submitting should be implemented submission-side.

what the fuck


fuck 100 comments, new goal is 250

DOGZPLOT said...

ask kim who the titular editor is. she knows things. kim. read this. tell us. kim is oz.

Brandon Hobson said...

Yes, Kim would probably know. Maybe the Tao would know also, even though he doesn't have anything up there.

Bradley Sands said... says Jimmy Chen owns Titular's domain. I am a detective.

DOGZPLOT said...

H O L Y S H I T . that site is fucking creepy. it had my name, address, phone number, dick size (metric).

i love you jimmy.

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

holy balls, you got a lot of comments here.

also, nice post.

Pet & Gone said...

just wanted to help you toward 250

Jimmy Chen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jimmy Chen said...

the asian gordon lish

jereme said...

aww brandi is swell

the anglo jimmy chen

Darby said...

re scott: you may be right.

re blake: yes. moods.

re barry: hmm.

Scott Garson said...

>if i were an editor, i'd wear a t-shirt that says I FEAL SIC

All right, Chen. What's your T-shirt say?

Jimmy Chen said...



jimmy chen is the king of america


i want a jimmy chen poster over my bed

Jason Jordan said...

Wow, this is out of control.

I just want to let everyone know that 1.) I'm intoxicated, and 2.) I've started a journal called ALL COLONY, that Blake Butler and Ken Baumann have submitted to, but have been banned from. In fact, it took us at AC 778 days to respond.

Anonymous said...

i like this

i like your work

jereme said...

simple math

there is god

chuck norris trumps him

and blake butler trumps all

come get some

Anonymous said...

the person from korea looks at mine too
and my xanga

i am afraid

DOGZPLOT said...

this comment board is starting to feel like a womb. i want to live in it.

but it is 3:40 a.m. it may feel like something different when i wake up..... but i sure as fuck hope not.

Jason Jordan said...

"but it is 3:40 a.m. it may feel like something different when i wake up..... but i sure as fuck hope not."

Hear hear.

p said...

super duper post. i will be buying that no colony soon. i forgot to submit to it. maybe next time.LOTS OF LOVE!

Mike Young said...

I predicted in my head when I read this post that it would hit 100 comments.

Personally I won't be impressed until it's at 1000 comments.

We should break Blogger over this post.

NOÖ used to be on Duotrope's fast list. It no longer is. Like everyone, I could do better.


but really, where did Lucy purchase her new vagina?

Bradley Sands said...

Bust is in Duotrope's fast list. My subs editor is a godsend.

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

Also, thanks for the Antz plug.

Also, thanks for your list of journals. Story accepted in Bust Down the Doors and Eat All the Chickens. And in days.

Also, NO COLONY is the feel good hit of the summer.

Also, have you heard the latest Ross Simonini news?

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

Also, thank you Bradley.


bust is fast yes, and awesome.

matthew, very nice sir, it will be good to share pages.

ross news = moving to nyc? or something else?

p said...

we can all be friends

Justin Rands said...

I just pooped my pants a little.

Justin Rands said...

The obese Bill Cosby.

p said...

I think I might be a little bit autistic.


its ok peter, i'm right there with you

BlogSloth said...

143 comments? Can a man get a blog tip??


Congrats on the novellas (unless it sucks)



my only blog tip: bitch a lot?

sometimes try to make it constructive bitching, but still be bitching?

i am a bitchmaster

sean, your blog is mastery already, you should be telling me shit

jereme said...


the answer is patent. reread the post from blake and abide by its tenants and you will find your blog will suddenly come alive with comments

Connor Tomas O'Brien said...

this was a good post.
i agree with all of the things that you said.

compliments are good. when a person receives a complimentary email, their self-esteem is boosted, they feel justified in what they are doing, and they are able to be more productive. i am going to send authors i like complimentary emails now.

Ken Baumann said...

jesus i feel left out, now i'm a part of the monster comment post

blake creates monsters, he will until he dies, i know this.


jereme said...

seriously, where the fuck did lucy purchase her new vagina?

i can buy that shit and sell it to horny teenage boys and become the next porn mogul.

lucy, call me. let a brother know



Joseph Young said...

it's just as easy to love shit as to hate it, and it feels better. love your post, BB.


thanks joe, good to hear from you

Kendra Grant Malone said...

the internet is full of positivity lately and i love it.

Unknown said...

Am linking to this post, hope that's cool. Really loved what you have to say. Thanks.


K, :)

Sarah, :)

Anonymous said...

Smart, true, karmically correct. Thanks.

Rachael Hanel said...

Amen. I've sent notes to authors over the years when I've read something enjoyable. Authors are like rock stars to me, and there's a little rush when I get a response.

I have a radio show where I interview authors. It's a tiny show in rural Minnesota, but I aim high and have had someone turn me down only once. And believe me, I will always remember that arrogant jerk. See my blog for that rant.

But I've been so impressed when even big-name authors come on the show, even though the audience is probably only about four listeners. I'd love more! "The Weekly Reader" on KMSU-FM in Mankato, MN.


dinty, hello

sarah, i like authors on radio shows, good job

Anonymous said...

This is an excellent post and a full of great ideas. We're all in this together. Much better than the Hemingway-has-a-bigger-penis-than-Fitzgerald posturing of writers of ye olden days.

Unknown said...

I'm so glad Dinty pointed me to you. This is great! I've been thinking about a lot these issues lately and glad to read you articulate them.


hi Todd and Grace, thanks for the kind words, and thanks for checking out

Lorri said...

I was surprised to find a magazine that published me last year on the sloth list. I checked, and sure enough, it took them over 5 months to respond. We're so conditioned to long wait times we just take it! (Thank you, Sir, can I have another? Oh, sure I'll wait. I'll just stay bent over like this for half a year while I wait for you to decide what to do with me...or not.)

Special to Tao Lin: Like Blake said (maybe to you, He is God, right? Knows what you're going to say before you do?): Don't be a fuck. Or at least don't be a dumb fuck. If you're only going to publish people you know at magazines you edit, you might want to put that in the guidelines instead of bragging about it elsewhere.

The people who 'hire' you might not like it.

The people at fence might not like it.

Just saying.

Brad Green said...

I am intrigued by this entire environment. Everyone seems to know everyone else. That's very organic and a couple of other hippy sounding words. I encountered a sense of amazement today when I stumbled into all these vigorous authors. That sense lingers.

I've put the family to bed and here I am again, reading the banter back and forth, following links, consuming stories. I feel like the slow dumb kid in class, that doughy guy, you know, that wore corduroy and scribbled runes on his book covers.

The forums I joined a month or so ago when I picked up books and engaged words again all told me to pare shit down, cut it out, speak simply, and sentences don't work like that. I find it invigorating that there is a lively community where the english can perhaps romp a little bit.

That's it. Thanks to everyone!

Elevate the Ordinary

Anonymous said...


Saw this entry mentioned in Brevity's blog. Right on, good sir. I love what you're saying. I've always wanted to e-mail writers I admired after I read something specifically affecting, but I always thought I would probably just piss them off for filling up their inboxes with praise. But fuck it: they wrote it, they have to deal with people liking it.

And thanks for that list you linked to. Lately, I've been trying to look outside the literary circle-jerk for some truly unappreciated writers. It's also self-serving: I'd like to begin to get published. Just graduated, working at a coffee shop, etc, etc. That sort of deal. Would be nice to have an e-mail in my inbox from someone who liked one of my stories.

Can't wait to read more of what you have to say, too. Much respect, Blake.


hi brad and michael. thank you, i am glad people are still reading this

Mark Doten said...

this is really great. just suggested reading this to someone on dennis cooper's blog. he was asking about whether he should go to an mfa program, and i said that of course such things offer you time to read and time to write -- and connections.

but this is the best description i've seen of how -- if you can't/don't want to, attend an mfa program, and even if you do, and want to reach out to others -- how young writers can get become part of a community, and make those vital connections. and i don't mean that in just an a cynical way. i don't think that reaching out to writers, interviewing them, blogging about them, saying hello, is all some cynical ploy for betterment -- it's a way to talk to people you love, who will inspire you, and, in the best case scenario, will, through their interactions with you, reorganize your brain, and help you to see you own writing in a new way.


mark, yes, excellent, thank you

Christopher said...

blake, thanks for this post. i needed this post today. today sucks much, but this post made me believe in things again, which is a good thing to do, i think, to believe in things, and particularly things outside yourself. i feel like an asshole for thinking today sucks, because woah damn, there is a lot of fucking awesome in the world.

Jackson Nieuwland said...

this post is still cool.
ill have to email you soon blake, i like your shit

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