Tuesday, November 4, 2008

For sale: 1 GA vote, either party

Now taking bids for my placebo knocker.

One (1) Georgia vote for either candidate to highest bidder. Polls close in how long?

If one vote really matters, this should bring in huge dividends for both myself and the purchaser.

I defer to George Carlin:

"If you vote you have no right to complain."

Sure, sure, this year's different. Right.


That's really all I'm going to say about it. Don't bitch at me. I've heard it, trust me.


Alternatively, in a completely other sort of h-word, I have a violent BLOOD MERIDIAN-esque excerpt up today 'Rung' from a novel I started and have sat aside for time being, featured on the Underland Press website alongside Matt Simmons's insanely weird witch story and interviews with Brian Evenson and etc.

Underland describes the passage in a way that is likely one of the most ways I could have asked for: Do not read this if you have children, want to have children, or know somebody who has children. And do not read this before bed. An excerpt from Blake Butler's novel...

Read RUNG here.

To the person who reads and comments on 'Rung' or Matt's story in a thoughtful way (if there are several I will choose), I will send one free copy of Sam Pink's most excellent chapbook YUM YUM I CAN'T WAIT TO DIE, as I now have two copies, one from Sam himself and one different version, finally delivered by the Jaguar Uprising. Don't need two. Say something thoughtful and I will reward you. Thankya.


Darby said...

Fortunately, I don't know anyone who has children. What is 'children?' Like chicken pox, maybe. I do know someone who has chicken pox right now who lives in India.

I've got Sam Pink's disgustingly gut exploding thing Eat Yum Yum Die something already, but I ate mine so I need another.



Keith Montesano said...

That bit about having something to show for it post-jerk is hilarious. I'm so behind on how badass GC was. RIP.

Anonymous said...

if you don't want to choose a candidate, then you should go to the voting polls and leave the choice blank. it is still your responsibility to be counted.

i have to say though, you not voting is disappointing since georgia just became a swing state again. i wish my vote (in texas) was worth as much as yours.



i am confused as to why people are convinced that voting for nothing or for mickey mouse or something is more of an expression of discontent than not voting.

there seem to be this 'set of rules by which you must act if you are to be considered of valued opinion'

play the game if you want, but leave me out


'i wish i had the opportunity to not vote in texas'


Gene said...

I'll offer you a book of sticky notes and a Halo 3 action figure to write my name in.


now we're talking.

what action figure is it?

that's important

Darby said...

if you don't vote for mickey mouse, then no one sees your discontent. Also, discontentedness should equal voting, because people vote when they are not content with something, if you are not voting, it is a statement of content.


that is befuddling logic


'Trent and Timmy are having a Who's Dick is Prettier contest. Place your votes in the ballot box in the lunchroom on your way to gym, where you will be beaten with pugils regardless of your candidate. A non vote indicates that you believe both dicks are equally pretty. Donald Duck does not have a dick.'

Darby said...

ha ha! I tricked you up.

It is okay to be content in your discontentedness about voting. I say, don't vote if don't voting makes you content.


fuck, you got me!

i hate getting got

nonetheless, there is someone out there who needed that response

darby, you sonuva

Darby said...

My work here is done.

I'm going to go vote for McCain now because they are giving away free quilts with giant pictures of McCain sewed into them so I will be safe and warm tonight while the rest of the world ends.

DB said...

not voting is more a statement of realization that i cannot change the entire world. why would i even try something so big when there's so much shit around me that i can more greatly affect through actions.




p said...

everyone is so much smarter than everyone else. i feel like shit.

p said...

it really stresses me out. i'm going to shit on your nation-state

jereme said...

this is funny. my gchat status message is 'i will sell my vote for pictures of your boobs'

i'll even write in ron paul if you want me to. send pics of boobs.

i would like to see a 'bidding war' over my vote.

carlin was a big fan of words.

jereme said...


the loudest scream is no scream at all

i once registered as a socialist when I was 18 as a joke. i wanted to the fbi to come to my house and investigate me because I was bored and thought it'd be funny.

they never came. i did get some awesome literature of angry looking russians named boris.

democracy is flawed.

the stupid will always outnumber the informed.

i'm all about 'me' and nothing more.

work it.


you seem sad these days peter let's go to lunch

they are serving chocolate martinis to people who vote for chewbacca down the street from my house, I AM ON IT


jereme, i want to read your life story

Darby said...

'the loudest scream is no scream at all' is horrible logic. How can no scream be the loudest scream? It doesn't make sense.

jereme said...


i'd have to write it as a trilogy or something. fellowship of the jereme, the two jereme's and return of the jereme.

there is too much material for one book.


gandi just buzzed over your head in a crop airplane. did you see him? he was waving and giggling.

jereme said...

i couldn't figure out if his name was spelled 'ghandi' or 'gandhi' so i omitted h.

gandi, what's up bra! lets go vote. i want to fuck palin but that obama guy speaks so well.

decisions, decisions.


'speaks so well'

that's the best

sam pink said...

i like your story. i don't want one of my own chapbooks though because they suck. i will buy the RAPE YEAR.


thanks sam

we have sold a few 'fuck sam pink' copies of no colony

thanks for sucking dick

p said...

chewbacca and martinis i like those

Brandon Hobson said...

I didn't vote either. Not sure if I'm still registered, to tell you the truth.

Gene said...

It is a Master Chief mini-figure that I got free with my sweet limited edition Halo 3 XBox controller.

I wish I was more active in courting your vote. That .00000001% of the Georgia vote was critical to my election.

Matt DeBenedictis said...

One of my dogs got my vote. He's a mixture of mccain's old bastard attitude but has obama like unity that can be seen in his eyes. I stand by my vote god dammit.