Wednesday, May 27, 2009

This is not not a Contest

Here's a writing contest, OK?:

There is no entry fee.

The winner will be published in an edition alone on a single, nice looking frontpage on Lamination Colony.

The winner will also receive a bunch of stuff. This is a contest.

You can win.

I have some homemade art. This:

You can have that.

I have a picture of my ass when I was like 22 (age not verified, but I was legal), you can have that too, my ass looks good in it, I was tan, you can post it on the internet wherever I won't be mad. It is possible as well to opt out of the ass picture.

You can have copies of No Colony 1 & 2, you can have those if you don't yet.

I have an extra copy of Chelsea Martin's everything was fine until whatever, the winner will get that too. I like that book a lot, Chelsea fucking kicks serious ass, that book is enough reason to enter a free contest.

I'll give you some Stephen Dixon books and some books that I bought with the intention of reading and haven't yet and still want but I will give them to you if you win this contest, free, based around the conceit of sharing and enjoying writing.

I'll try to give you some money if I have some extra when the winner comes along. At least a beer or two, if you drink beer, and if you don't, soda. You will get more quantity of product if you choose to get soda instead of beer.

There's always water.

I will promote the winning piece and the websites related to the authors of the piece.

** A list of additional donated prizes has gotten Quite Insane, and is listed at the bottom of this post **

This is a serious contest, there will be a winner, (at least 1-2) runner ups (depending on the # of entries vs # of prizes), everyone will get free shit, it will be free and people will read words maybe and talk about it not because there was a contest but because there are words.

Donated prizes will be distributed among the winner and the runner ups as I see fit: I will try to be fair and cool like butter.


Texts between 1 and 2000 words. Just words. Text. There can be pictures in it too. Photos. Stuff. Not poetry or fiction or creative nonfiction, in the name of it, but anything. Words. Say something.

** BY THE ABOVE LINE I MEAN ALL WRITING IS ALLOWED. All forms of words are welcome. **

1 entry per person.

I'm going to read the entries with time I would have spent looking at websites I always look at anyway or watching poker on TV or something stupid.

Winners will be judged on the basis of how much I enjoy them, or think they are good.

Anyone can enter, if you enter under a pseudonym the prize will go to the pseudonym.

If you put terms in quotes that aren't speech in the piece you are disqualified.

If anyone is interested in donating further prizes for entrants, money or books or personal items or offers of fun, please email me, I will announce them and link there here at the bottom of this post.

Please blog this contest around.

Promotional contests should not cost money. Didn't you ever listen to Fugazi.


Please send contest entries to laminationcolony [at] gmail [dot] com, include THIS IS NOT NOT A CONTEST in the title, entries will be accepted for one week, until Friday June 5.

Winners will be picked soon after and published soon after.

This is a contest about life.



* (1) copy of Shane Jones's 'Light Boxes' from Publishing Genius

* my used copy of Fugazi's 'Instrument' documentary on VHS

* (1) copy of Molly Gaudry's 'We Take Me Apart' forthcoming from ML Press

* the last hand edited manuscript of THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME and a printed copy of FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO (new two books from Sam Pink)

* a copy of William Walsh's 'Questionstruck,' Thomas Cooper's 'Phantasmagoria' and Issue 7 of Keyhole, all from Keyhole Press

* a copy of Jimmy Chen's 'Typewriter' from Magic Helicopter Press, donated by Josh Maday

* a CD of live audio mixes from various low power radio programs by Matthew Simmons

* a copy of Fox Force 5 chapbook anthology (forthcoming from Paper Hero Press), donated by pr

* a set of six drawings of video game controllers drawn by Steven Seighman of Monkeybicycle for the cover of Hobart's games issue

* a ruled Moleskine notebook - unopened, in original wrapping; the next edition of 'Smoke: a London Peculiar', the magazine of words and images inspired by the city (issue 14 out soon-ish); + a 'feature article' to the winner of the contest to write their thoughts on writing for Writers' Bloc, if they wish, all from Vaughan Simons of Writers' Bloc

* a copy of Kathryn Regina's 'i am in the air right now' from Greying Ghost Press

* a copy of the 'Meeting People is Easy' documentary on Radiohead, donated by Shome Dasgupta

* a copy of the debut issue of Dewclaw, from Evelyn Hampton

* a new copy of the new double issue of Sonora Review 55/56 (with DFW memorial section), donated by Brad Green

* a copy of Jack Christian's Let's Collaborate from Magic Helicopter Press, a copy of Mike Young's Okay Now from Magic Helicopter Press (limited edition Summer Tour thinbook), a copy of Pasha Malla's The Withdrawal Method, a copy of Joshua Beckman's Take It, all donated by Mike Young / Magic Helicopter

* 2 random ass books from Barry Graham's book shelf

* 2 random ass books from Jereme Dean

* a copy of Justin Sirois's brand new MLKNG SCKLS donated by Publishing Genius

* a first edition signed copy of William Gay's Twilight, a signed copy of Craig Clevenger's The Contortionist's Handbook, and a galley of the forthcoming novel Johnny Future by Steve Abee, all from MacAdam / Cage

* a lifetime subscription to Muumuu House, c/o Muumuu House

* issues 2 & 3 of Ghost Factory Magazine, c/o David Peak

* issue 3 of Pank, c/o R. Gay

* $50 cash via paypal from megaboss Ken Baumann

* a first edition hardback copy of Gordon Lish's Dear Mr. Capote from Chris Higgs

* a copy of the debut issue of Gigantic

* quite a number of other things, located in the comments 4 now

more to come, check back...


sam pink said...

the song "deanna" by nick cave and the bad seeds makes me want to really hurt another human body.


i feel you. his voice and the bass tones make me violent too

sam pink said...

i sent you an email about donating to the contest. is this comment pointless?


its a good comment to have, i am multiplicitly braindumb

Reynard said...

the song 'ex-spectator' is really relevant to me right now. this contest makes me feel good about life. thank you, blake. i really like the no arbitrary quotations clause.


hi reynard, i am glad

i'm an ex-spectator can't you see

Molly Gaudry said...

Love this. Good luck to all who enter! Blake's ass! What prize! What woot!

(I like the circles on the art.)

C. E. Chaffin said...

Great idea! But how does one submit? And can it be previously published text? Not fiction or poetry, I understand. The ass prize is so OTT is should be the grand prize. Of course, it naturally divides in two for sharing.


hi CE, the email addy for submission is in the post, but here it is again:

laminationcolony [at] gmail [dot] com

new work is preferred, but if its not online you can send previously published, if it wasn't super widespread in the original publication, i'm not picky

i am glad you like the ass prize


the 'not fiction or poetry' tag is just meant that you can send anything you want.

Unknown said...

I'm a tad confused. I love your facetious and cavalier tone, but I might be misunderstanding. Are fiction submissions allowed/encouraged?

pr said...

As you know, Blake, I'm a big fan of ass pictures and contests!

So I would like to donate an extra copy that I ordered of Paper Hero Press's forthcoming Fox Force 5. ( preordered twice, early dementia.)

matthew savoca said...

yes to this and fugazi

fucked up, got ambushed, zipped in


thanks paula, added

matthew, returning the screw


porcupine, all writing is allowed

Unknown said...

nice. thank you!


more prizes coming in faster than i can type them out, Steven Seighman just donated hand drawn video game controllers from the Hobart games issue, rad!

Ryan W. Bradley said...

this is becoming epic.

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

smallpox champions, one and all.

also, red medicine is still my favorite.

wagner israel cilio iii said...

the song "spitshine my asshole" by arab on radar makes me want to really spitshine someone's asshole. therefore, in the spirit of submission, i will submit to this contest.


arab on radar was the fire

'ejaculation is a waste of valuable resources'

Reynard said...

my nuts are a pressure cooker

DOGZPLOT said...

i will donate two random books from my shelf.


thanks barry, added :)

jereme said...

i will donate two books also


a coupon

the coupon is good for one use

any time the winner is in an online argument they can redeem the coupon and i will try my best to demean the coupon holder's opponent in the online forum

i won't stop until they cry

life is about small victories

sasha fletcher said...

when i saw nick cave in the fall they did deanna. it was awesome. the acoustic version is even more badass. it makes me want to put a fist through a face. right through.
although if i were ever going to stab or be stabbed to death i think that oh darling would be the song. i don't know. it feels right.

Reynard said...

pat walsh at macadam/cage told me he will donate a first edition signed copy of william gay's twilight and the forthcoming novel johnny future by steve abee. you can email me if you need any more info.


thanks jereme

sasha that sounds amazing

reynard, that is fucking awesome! added, tell them please that i said thanks, and thank you.

Reynard said...

just to clarify, that will be a galley copy of johnny future

Reynard said...

shit, i feel bad posting this many comments, but they will also donate a signed copy of craig clevenger's the contortionist's handbook


awesome, added, thanks man!

davidpeak said...


Lamination Colony is #1 in my heart.

I'd like to donate issues #2 and #3 of Ghost Factory Magazine.

If you'll have me.

Anonymous said...

This is so much goodness.

This is a contest I actually want to enter.

Too damn good, man.

I will blog about it on my blog that no one reads.

R. Gay said...

I will donate a copy of PANK 3.

Anonymous said...

Oh shit, I think I titled my email THIS IS NOT A CONTEST instead of THIS IS NOT NOT A CONTEST.

I hope this doesn't mean I'm out of the running.

Maya said...

I'm glad quotation marks are disqualified because those annoy the shit out of me, let's be real here


new prizes all updated

wow, thanks to everyone for the goods, this is going to be fun and interesting to distribute...

Glen Binger said...

"If you put terms in quotes that aren't speech in the piece you are disqualified."


Ken Baumann said...

I will donate a $50 cash prize via Paypal to the winner.


ken is the captain of captains

christopher higgs said...

Hey Blake,

I'm willing to donate a first edition hardback copy of Gordon Lish's Dear Mr. Capote to the contest, if you're still looking for prizes.


awesome, added! thanks chris.

Frank said...

I'll donate a copy of Best American Short Stories edition 2000 as a prize. Also, a copy of Runes, my school's literary magazine.

Anthony L. said...

If the contest can bear more prizes, I have a copy of Subtropics 7 featuring Eva Talmadge and others to send off to a special somebody courtesy of UF.

Lily Hoang said...

This is way late, but I just moved & need to give some stuffs away. I can offer 5 random journals (including some very pretty Ninth Letters) & a copy of one of my books.

You want?

Bryan Coffelt said...

holy jesus. this is becoming the coolest contest ever. crowdsourced prizes and no entry fee. sick.

Bryan Coffelt said...

shit. i mean "non contest."


thanks ya'll i will add these to the list

brian, it's not not a contest :)

John Madera said...


I'd like to add copies of my band Mother Flux's CD "Divine Day Formula" to the winner and runners-up.

exadore said...

I have a story I would like to enter that is 2700 words. Is this far too long? Can rules be bent/broken for me because I am a lovely person?

i'm on a mission to never agree here comes the argument


thanks john will add

rulez is rulez mane

Mark Doten said...

i'll kick in a box set of the first three belle and sebastian eps on cd, and also, for balance, the second consonant (mission of burma side project) album, also on cd.

- mark doten

Anonymous said...


James said...

hi blake,

gigantic would like to add a copy of gigantic #1 to the prize pile.

let me know what else we need to do.