this is the first thing i've done today that i could handle remembering

i wonder if i can ever feel like i've done something
the more i do the less i feel
there is a cyst on my back that has grown larger than the rest of my body
the cyst has a name a mom mustaches a bank account flush with cash
that i will never touch
i will never eat the correct ratio of food to make me pleased
i have felt the hunger of a nonexistent country
even just minutes after wolfing down several fig bars
i have taken the all you can eat option at restaurants
where the all you can eat option is not on the menu
and made myself realize the punctuation marks scored on the teeth of death
when the phone rings in this house it plays beethoven in synthetic tones
i am developing a rash
the names and numbers on my calendar seem enormous
whichever website i want to go to that is the website that won't load
i never have a problem logging on to amazon.com
i feel guilty shopping amazon.com but they have good discounts
sometimes i turn around and buy something i only mostly want
from an independent source immediately after buying from amazon
so that there won't be a flux in my conswerum
i made up the word conswerum but it seemed to fit
i am fat with flashes of sudden hysteria and/or hatred
followed by briefer swells of accomplishment and/or want
want can be a positive emotion if you are sitting at the correct angle
in the correct light
the light in this room feels like even it arrived to me through the internet
i don't know what i would do most mornings
the main reason i stop trying to go back to sleep
is because i want to check my email
i used to have to get out of bed to check my email
but now i have macbook pro
macbook pro improved my life quality by 59 percent
realizing that my life was improved that much by a machine
just reduced my life quality by somewhere between 8 and 12 percent
i just typed a few lines and deleted them
and looked for several minutes into the screen light
which is a sign that this should end
i am growing larger i can feel it
i want to eat someone alive