i know exactly what my problem is

At 4:30 am the living room turns in a self-basting oven

I sit in the room with all the bullshit I've spouted in the past 9 months and we have a powwow power meeting

My bullshit is fucking pissed off

Do you understand the term 'host body' as well as 'evictor'?

When I look at the pages of books right now I mostly see dogs fucking goats or goats fucking dogs, I can't keep it straight, and the book won't close

I need to be a little serious maybe

My bullshit powwow power meeting told me to cancel this month's seasonal programming and start takin it for the man

Most of the time the problem is I don't have much of anything to say

I was at dinner last night with some people and just kind of sat there looking back and forth from heads like they were tennis

I just woke up from a dream from 11 am to 1 pm, my main sleep block this day, in which I had a coffee cup that was spurting liquid from it straight up in a heavy plume and I could put my face into it

In the plume there was like all these women working out and I talked to Justin Taylor about titles in his short story collection. Tao Lin was sitting under the table looking haggard and I asked him if he needed something to drink and he said no and I asked him about the reading I knew he had in the dream and he said he didn't want anyone to come to it he didn't want anyone to come and I said I understood and then I let Tao Lin be alone under the table

I know that at least one of the people who googles 'boy erection' and 'lindsay lohans tits' everyday to get here probably has a least a lot of money, Hey, person, if you paypal me and my friends some of that money I will write stories for you about whatever pop culture icon or fictional character you like getting reamed in the ass by a bolt of lava and like dudes power jackin it in time to the beat of your favorite song, no problem, my paypal is blakebutler [at] gmail [dot] com

Of if you want me to teach your kid or college student to write I will show them stories I think are good and then tell them why they are going about it all wrong and so am I

I have 17000 words towards a new novel or novella or something already and most every sentence while I am typing it I am thinking, why that word, why that word, why that word

Why any words

Maybe this will be the novel where I don't stop at 60k words and instead just keep writing until the book is so huge it will be called a brick of self-destructive creation and no one will read it but it will have a fat ass spine and it will weigh people down and make them feel tired

I wish I was a chest of drawers

I will learn to wait in silence