Monday, September 22, 2008

Answers to Your Google Q's (2) VEGINA

Because I can't quite make my head stay unshitted, here's another answer to questions that resulted in Googlers finding my blog while looking for answers from Dr. Internet.

It's really just me being immature or something, duh.

(from India, 9/20/2008 7:21:15 AM)

Q: how to find out a vegina whether it is fucked or not

A: Kim Kardashian's pussy made meatloaf every morning in the summer house where I grew up. She sat paper muffins on each side of the container where my knees would knock while we bred cats. Hmmm was all she'd ever say, and her lips made the kitchen portraits of dad's wart-back change complexion. The sweat would pour out of that bitch and we'd go swimming. My swimmies were inflated with more wet, mostly the liquid mold that was sapped out of my father's head wound, so usually I sank. My dick had a tent inside it that I could go hide in for sulking when my paper mask hurt. Shit was all I'd ever say back to her hmmming but I only said it to myself cause I didn't want to get smacked, though once I also said it to the black masseuse who came hid rolled in my shower curtain each morning and would watch me drop the soap on a rope tied to my mother in her cradle in the other kitchen, where one morning after Kim Kardashian's pussy finished with the cooking, mom would braid the pussy's hairs into a weekend vacation at the Honolulu Publix. In the first five minutes, no matter what treats we packed to keep her distracted with the family business, Kim Kardashian's pussy's vegina got really wasted off its own rot and rolled into town to throw its own early birthday party on the place where oil had made the water hard, and it wouldn't answer when we skreeked its name over the beach PA or into the wound in our father, propped on his ass under the bacon ceiling. Then, when Kim Kardashian's pussy's vegina came back, six to eight days later, by which point all of my family had gone home but me, Kim Kardashian's pussy had a flower on its lapel and a little bell between its teeth that it would ring and ring, and when I took by the hand it would giggle and fart through its nostrils and there was always this awful violin noise, and soon we couldn't stand up, and soon we heard my mom's voice shouting through the sunset at Kim Kardashian's pussy's vegina to stop being so fucked and getting its fuck all over me, her only son, and the vegina blushed and threw up a little, and I guess that's the first time I thought anything about anybody.

Yeah, cool, Blake, ok.

I should talk to myself on here more often.

I liked Virus 1 by Brian Oliu in Brevity Magazine, I've actually seen Oliu around a lot recently and like what he is doing.

Finished another draft of EVER today, I think it is very close to final, I am thankful to have something to edit because I can't really get my head on straight enough to write clearly in more than a few hundred words at a time. I haven't been able to read much either. I don't know what's going on.

I want to stop drinking coffee, I will pay a Mormon to come and stand next to me with a biscuit that they can stick in my mouth whenever I try to drink more coffee, it's not doing me any good anymore, maybe I should developed a spiced ham addiction, I bet if you eat enough you'd hallucinate in a way that would be just as beneficial as caffeine.

A famous author this weekend asked me if a watermelon can really be raped, which Yes, a watermelon can be raped.

A white and gold donkey just came into my typing, no shit.

What is an attractive way to get a semi-long complex sentence tattooed on your body? I don't know where, arms? I don't have any conception of the way things like that would be arranged, I can't even put a sofa in a room neatly, but I found a sentence I think I want, I also want some Cookie Crisp so I can remember concretely that that shit is nasty.

I don't want to do anything really, I don't know.


Josh Maday said...

the Google Q's are excellent. very good questions and better answers.

people find my blog a lot wanting to know what disseminating means. they also show up looking for girls with penises, and info about bleeding sinus infections. those are the urgent questions for which answers are misguidedly sought at my blog. nothing as cool as the stuff people look for on your blog.

watermelon rape. hey, no means no. unless you're asking if you should buy something for a birthday or an anniversary. then no does not, ever, mean no. i'm just saying.

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

re live talking heads in the last post:

Andrien Belew is nutso.


josh ha

belew is the man.

Sarah Caravel said...

Yea, got your link from Brevity, but you bum me out. I ain't comin' back.


mission accomprished


bitch didnt you know you were dealing with 'bleak butler'?


now you know

Mike Young said...

i like that a famous author asked you about suttree


mike's my man

Heather said...

sexy complex sentence on body: down side of body trunk. like armpit-ribcage-waist-to that hot hip part guys have. that is what i would do. a straight line of words and punctuation moving down your side.

Susana Mai said...

i don't like tatoo's on arms, upper back is nice.

poor vegina! she's sick!

agreed, i like the google q's

jereme said...

i think most people find my blog via google search strings of female writer names.

makes me feel awesome about myself.

my favorite was 'what is the nutritional value of sperm'

it is nutritious. wikipedia told me so.

you need to quit the coffee awhile. i am guessing your adrenal gland is blown out like 75 year old bangkok hooker pussy. there is a new supplement out on the market to repair your adrenal gland but you don't seem to be 'open' to such things. it is bovine adrenal and some other vitamins.

sentence tattoos usually look good on the chest, clavicle (following it in a semi-circle), stomach and back. arm/leg is only good (to me) if the writing is tattooed vertically. clavicle is the most rad looking and will score you pussy points in the bad ass vector of bullshit attraction complex. stomach would be medium rad.

cookie crisp was 'okay' i guess. i didn't hate it. fruity pebbles is the whore's moan though. i valued that shit like prison cigarettes or depression era bread loaf.

'bleak butler' made me lol. you aren't yet. step up to my game shit head.

or actually don't.

your kung fu is magnificent

believe in it

and end the world with your fist


heather, i am afraid i am not badass enough for that, i would need to be able to do a lot of pullups maybe, i probably cant do very many

hi susanna

jereme, i would feel weird with it on my chest, like i should be shot or something, i think i only can consider something on my arms, though yeah, i'm not sure a sentence is the way to go

'depression era bread loaf' would be a bitchin tattoo

Anonymous said...

my kids' nurse at his chceckup had "cough syrup yumm" tattooed on thie inside of her forearm.

sam pink said...

i like jereme dean

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the shoutout, dude. Your work is awesome (was the design editor for your piece at Black Warrior Review...if it looked fucked, blame me) and you always seem to be in journals that I love and submit to. Let's grab a beer at AWP.


Matt DeBenedictis said...

I once tried to stop drinking coffee. The results were not what I desired. I just began drinking adult beverages earlier in the day than ever before. The demon I met the morning after was two headaches fighting for dominance in my skull. The headache of alcohol and the headache of no coffee are not meant to meet. They hate each other. Like squirrels and hookers. ( Oh I love these google questions)


hey brian, thanks man, good to hear from you, yeah let's definitely have a drink..

matt, yeah i hate the absence of caffeine just as much as being too hyped. i wish there were a medium way somehow, but drinking less coffee doesnt seem to work either oh well

DB said...

i love these google answers.

DB said...

also tattoos on arms are cool. back seems gross and sporty to me.


thanks daniel, i think i agree on arm things

sam pink said...

what the fuck is this shit, i googled 'is kim kardashian's pussy really meatloaf' and i get this lame ass blog.

jereme said...

arm tattoo is kind of cliche to me. i dunno. i see a lot of tattoos here in orange county/la.

it doesn't really matter though. do what makes you feel good. that is the point. it is supposed to be a personal expression.

stop trying to please us already or something.

the entity known as 'jereme dean' feels validated. the entity known as 'jereme dean' likes sam pink too.

and bleak butler

that ttb guy can suck the entity known as 'jereme dean's ball sack though.

not fast or slow but at a medium rigor with zeal and passion

depression era bread loaf beats depression era glue soup

Anonymous said...

See Memento for sentence tattoo ideas. Ask Shelley Jackson about word tattoos.

I stopped coffee for a few months and nothing happened. I mean nothing happened.


dont know i dont know how to express myself

tattoo smattoo

DOGZPLOT said...

i think i want a neck tattoo. i have them other places but i think one on the back or side of my neck would be good. something that explains everything like the numeral 13,461.

Anonymous said...

you could loop it below your collarbones, something like

a tattoo straight down your spine could look really cool too, especially when you move