Thursday, February 28, 2008


I am laying on a futon watching WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. I just ate a lot of raisins. Last night I slept in my apartment with the heat off and according to my space heater the room was 45 degrees. I had three blankets. I didn't want to move my arms outside my blankets to touch my computer. Last week Mike Young and I made a list in Google documents that categorized all the online literary journals we could think of into groups. THREE NAMED POETS was one of the groups. I really want to talk some shit online today but I am not going to do it because after I do and I leave my computer I will feel stressed about the idea that I can't delete the post immediately if I decide I want to. The woman on WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE right now looks like one of my old writing teachers. There is a skylight in the ceiling above me but someone put a piece of cloth over it so instead of a window it just kind of glows. From where I am laying I can see a piece of art my sister made a while ago where she took a dress she wore when she was very little and put it on a canvas and slathered it with beeswax. It looks scary. I hate when I read the contributor notes for a journal and every single contributor has either written several published books or is the editor of a journal or is someone everybody knows already. I like reading writers I know but I also like to read new people. Sometimes on this futon I am laying down and sometimes I am sitting up and I never feel completely comfortable in either position. The woman on WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE just answered the $25,000 question correctly after using her 50/50. Then she missed the $50,000 question although I was saying the answer at her into the screen. Coffee has not been making me shit lately. One of my favorite things about coffee is the way it makes you shit. Pretty soon I think I am going to get a tattoo. It will be of a gibberish word and will cover my entire left arm on the top side of the arm. I am typing in the dark and everything looks a little orange. WHO WANTS TO BE MILLIONAIRE just switched episodes, leaving me hanging on the last contestant and beginning in the middle of another episode. I can't concentrate enough to finish more than the first 30 pages of a book. The guy on WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE now just said he was sure the answer was not this certain answer and then then 64% of the audience said that was the answer, which it was, and then the guy tried to explain why he really knew that was the answer even though he said he was sure it wasn't. I want to be in a room with a ceiling fan right now so I can put my hand into the blades but I do not feel like moving. As soon as I finished typing 'I do not feel like moving' I lifted my computer off my lap and set it aside and got up and walked into the kitchen and ran cold water on my hands and put it on my face. I like to wash my face every time I go into a bathroom which sometimes makes people look at me funny in the men's room, which I mostly do not understand, but maybe I understand a little. I want to be working on a story I have been working on for two weeks now instead of writing this blog but I have reached a point in the story that I don't know what to do because the story is about nothing and I don't know if it is time to stop but I think it is. I realize I am talking about nothing right now but most every day is mostly nothing, mostly in this case referred to probably close to 65%. The current WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE question is about Pizza Hut. I have a headache. I want a dog to play with that I can make disappear when I am done. I want to go into a room where I can touch the ceiling with one hand and the floor with the other. I want to eat.


xTx said...

this was so good i want it to pierce my heart, but not hard enough to kill me.

i watched who wants to be a millionaire yesterday and the girl was asked about In Rainbows and she didn't even know it was Radiohead. she had to phone a friend and then he got it right. if i was her friend i would've gotten it right also, but not before calling her a dumbass.

brandon said...

i felt sad when it ended

the sadness was because i couldnt read it anymore